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  • I missed the weekend, but I'm posting today... I received a question wondering what made me want to become a writer. I thought to answer this question here.

    I'm not sure how. Years ago in my earliest writing stages, I didn't want to be a writer although I did love writing and writing stories. It wasn't until a few years later when I was trying to find my calling. I was-well, people consider me still at the stage where I am trying to find my way in the world due to my age. I think they're right. Still, I was trying to find what I loved doing because I was taught to build your career around your passions. I agree with this. I realized I love writing and I minus well work on what I loved doing.

    Early on though was when I determined writing to be a serious pursuit for me. I was becoming more serious about my writing. That's when I took the time out to learn how to properly write a book and about proper writing. I took classes as well, mostly about academic writing and the English language. These were things to help with my grammar and build up my vocabulary. I also knew reading books would help me as well. I did like reading, but I only love reading classic reads. I'm not sure why I don't enjoy reading modern day books.

    I know people advised writers to read modern books, but I just prefer older books over newer ones. There's just something about them that I find more enjoyable to read. I guess it's because of my love for history and that I've always taken the time to study history. Most of my majors during schooling were history based. As soon as I found a class offering American Civil War lessons, I immediately signed up. So most of the books I read were written in the 1800's, my favourite time period. My favourite is the Civil War era. I know my wording, grammar and even spelling can be obsolete, but I still continue to read only classic books. I have learned a great deal about writing from them as well.

    My answer to this question, it's always going to be because I simply love writing. I was influenced by my love for writing, my passion for creating, especially something that I created. It's nice to see your creation and it would be even nicer to finally have an establishment in my writing career. I see published writers and I can't help but to want that for myself. I think that's going to be me one day. I'm not letting anyone get in the way of my goal and I'll make sure that will happen. 

    Why I became a Writer

  • Before the weekend ends, I wanted to give an update, but never got around to doing it until now. Just a few hours ago, I had a thought to post for the weekends since it seems more convenient for me due to my health which hasn't improved at all. My health has been a reason I've been absent online. I recently decided to uninstall Whatsapp and give up on iTalki again. I was disappointed by the behavior of the language partners and teachers alike. There was only a few I did enjoy meeting, and it was a nice experience to finally speak to people from Russia.

    Since the Polar Qimuktis book has nearly 700 pages I believe, editing continues. I'm on chapter 19, but I hope to read and edit faster. Unfortunately however, my health limits the time I could do this. I must take more breaks, but I do go back right to work later. I've also been trying to work on finishing volume 1 of my Shonen manga, which is the first manga I will publish. I updated the volume list, where I map out each volume on what will happen in each one. This is how I will know how the story will go when filling in the blanks.

    Let's end it there for some Piggy updates. I know some at Petco have been wanting me to post updates about the Guinea Pigs we bought and I just wanted to do it now. First, my family tried listening to the Guinea Pig experts in allowing them to remain in packs, but most importantly, never interfere even when you see Piggies bite one another. Let them work it out on their own. Well, this was disastrous and we learned it wasn't good to allow Guinea Pigs to bully other Guinea Pigs. After observation, I do see it more so as bullying than leadership. So now, the Piggies all have their own separate cages and they seem happy without each other's company. It did result in violent fights, which was why we did have to separate them.


    Here is Cookie, also known as Tough Cookie due to her mean personality towards other Guinea Pigs. I named her Cookie because her facial markings reminded me of the brown part of a Chocolate Chip or M&M cookie. Also however, if you look loser, she has a little KISS thing going on where her facial markings can remind you of the KISS band. We actually did not buy her from Petco but Petsmart. We 3 other baby Guinea Pigs, but Cookie is a bully which is why she cannot be with the other babies. However, the adult Guinea Pigs violently attacks her into a corner, not allowing her to walk around or even eat, which I feel isn't fair, even though others have advised to allow this.



    And the newest member of the family! We name her Oreo! Actually I named her Oreo because her face reminds me of an Oreo cookie. My mom told me how the worker at Petco said how she would miss her and wanted to see an update. Sorry it took so long, but please know Oreo is doing more than fine. She is doing great in her new home. In fact, she is very happy where she is. I'll make sure to post regular updates on the Piggies. Just as described, Oreo is actually the sweetest Guinea Pig we own. She approaches our hands. We can pet her, but she's still not use to being handled. This was why I had a hard time taking the picture of her. We're continuing to work on Oreo getting use to being held, but we are allowing her to take as much time as she needs. She kind of looks like our Caramel as you can see below...


    Yeah, I think Oreo and Caramel have similar markings and look sort of similar to each other. Like Cookie, Caramel was bought from Petsmart. Wow, she's grown so much. She was just a little baby at first bossing everyone around. We immediately knew she could not be around other Guinea Pigs when she seriously injured our baby Piggy named Poppy, leaving a large hole in the back of her neck. I think two Guinea Pigs did this to her however. Still, Caramel was caught viciously fighting the others which was why we pulled her out and purchased a cage for her, but all of the Piggies ended up being separated because of their ridiculous fighting. I grown to love Guinea Pigs, but the one thing that bothers me is their meanness towards one another. I just wish they would coexist without having to rank each other, bully, not allow the other one to eat, biting and all that other stuff. Other than that, I like Piggies. Caramel though, is the toughest Piggy we have. Nothing seems to scare her. We call her the mini general.


    Here is Poppy, the one I mentioned above. This photo is before the injury which is why you do not see it in this picture. Poppy is our second baby Guinea Pig we own. At first we tried pairing her with Oreo, but it never worked out because she would always bite and chase Oreo away from her every time she was near her. So we took her out and returned her into the cage with the pack. Recently, we discovered what was going on within the Piggy pack with Poppy. I never knew why she stood in the corner of the cage, facing the bars. When trying to move her out of the corner, I assumed she wanted to be in the corner. This month was when my family caught all of the Guinea Pigs violently attacking Poppy every time she would try to venture out the corner. Thinking about it, it made sense why she was the smallest out of them all because they did not allow her to eat much food. That's when the other Guinea Pigs were removed out of the cage for a cage of their own, and Poppy was allowed to have a big cage all by herself. Pretty soon, she was beginning to popcorn, be more happy, eat more, she was no longer the smallest Piggy. Currently, we're caring for the wound on her neck.


    Bun Bun, one of the first Guinea Pigs bought from Petco. She is still doing good. I would say Bun Bun is one of the most interesting Piggies we have. She has sass, attitude and a lot of demands. If she's mad, you'll know because she squints her eyes and stomps her back legs. She has a weird way of telling us she wants food. Either she'll sound like a Chipmunk, make a loud screaming noise, or she'll quiver her lip with water in her eyes. She especially has tears for lettuce, for Bun Bun is very passionate about her lettuce. That's actually her favourite. When we run out of lettuce, Bun Bun gets really angry and we make sure to go to the store to restock on her lettuce. Yeah, our Piggies are spoiled. My mom always ask me which Guinea Pig is my favourite, and it would have to be Bun Bun. She may be sassy, but Bun Bun also is very entertaining and interesting.


    I uploaded a few pictures of Putina on Instagram and there were surprising responses from Russians. Looking up names, I wanted to give her a Russian name. I know our family do like the Putin family. So I named her Putina; I think it suits her. Putina was another bought from Petco. When she was first brought home, she was obviously leader over Bun Bun and often bullied her. She would not let Bun Bun eat anything and would often chase her around. One night, my mom decided enough was enough and pulled Putina out of the cage. They were separated where Bun Bun was freely able to eat, walk around the cage as she pleases, and no one telling her where she can and cannot go. We bought two baby Piggies for Bun Bun, but it ended up in disaster. For some reason, Putina submitted to them and Bun Bun. After that, she started losing her leadership rank in the pack, but she's still very mean. She even bites and sprays you when trying to hold her. Recently, she's been trying to become a leader again. Very interesting, but Putina recently has been wanting to be more independent in finding food. She refuses to eat anything we offer her and prefers to find the food herself, and so we have to set it up so she can think she did find it herself without our help.

    Unfortunately, Putina contracted the same sort of illness our previous Piggy had who was bought from Petco as well. They would know which two Guinea Pigs I'm talking about; they were the ones from the family who were deported back to Vietnam. That was why we immediately took them in. However, I did not know the two Guinea Pigs were sick and contained an illness that would kill some of our pets. I probably would not have wanted to get them if I knew this. I'm sorry. Putina is not dead, but she is sick and does not look the same as she did in this photo. I tried researching about what the ones we bought had, and what comes close is an infection which is the same as a rodent who invades your home. This is why we're advised to take precautions when handling Guinea Pigs due to the fact they are rodents.

    Anyway...



    RIP Little Sakura. One who caught the illness. Very unfortunate Sakura wasn't able to grow up. It use to always be Cookie and Sakura. They were always together.


    Coco had also died from the illness unfortunately. When bringing this one home, she would always have every Guinea Pig lined up against the cage, unable to move or eat. Others say this is leadership, I said this was unfair to the other Piggies that they were not able to walk around freely like Coco and eat, popcorn and get water. After awhile though, she ended up sitting in a corner, making very loud noises for everyone to get away from her. Even though everyone claims Guinea Pigs are social animals, Coco did not want to be around other Piggies. She much preferred to have a cage to herself. This was when she stopped screaming bloody murder and she stopped misbehaving. Coco will always be remembered. We still have her bite marks in our hands left as scars as a reminder of Coco as long as we live.

    So, this was a long post and I think I'll leave it there. I'll make sure to post whenever I can.

    Weekend Updates


  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    Has a single photo or work of art ever inspired a story? What was it and did you finish it?


    This has happened many times for me where I get inspiration from art or a photo. Actually, it happens too many times for me to count. In fact, almost every book and manga had been inspired in some way was inspired by some photo or art. That is either if it's the entire story, a scene or a character. I am just a random person and can find inspiration in everything I see. Plus, I can create stories out of the weirdest and simplest things. 

    IWSG: February 5 2020

  • I'm not sure how long it's been since I last posted, but I know it was awhile ago. So I thought about the time when I first started this blog. I still have a long way to go with blogging, but I just wanted to share some thoughts. As usual, I'm studying Well Development and will be studying at Southern New Hampshire University. I was enrolling at Rasmussen College, but with my family's previous bad experience at this University, I cancelled going to this one. I actually don't recommend Rasmussen, but I do see Southern New Hampshire University as the better college. It's strictly online.

    I titled this post "special" because I wanted to create a special thank you post. For a long time I didn't think anyone read my posts, but recently I was proven otherwise. For my surgery, I felt blogging about it was another outlet for me and I do appreciate those who took the recovery process with me, and continue to. Anyway, I notice the diverse group of readers/viewers and this is what I prefer. As a person for multiculturalism, I welcome any and everyone from anywhere in the world to my blogs. Most importantly, I wished to thank those who take the time out to read my posts. I know I've been talking about becoming a published writer for years now, and I do appreciate the people who stuck around at the beginning rather than those who come later when I become established. I believe these viewers are more valuable than the ones who arrives later on.

    I realized I wasn't quite done editing and polishing the Polar Qimuktis book. It was suppose to have been published in 2019, but my health delayed publication. I am still in the recovering, poor health stage, but I'm still working to get the book done. The delay allowed me to see things that needed to be tweaked a bit more before releasing the book. I do want to put my best work out. I'm currently on chapter 17 and still have a few more chapters to go. What I would need to do next is make sure it's completely polished because I'm a perfectionist. Being that it's the beginning of the year, it allows me to release it this year. I know for sure it will be published in 2020. I am aiming to at least have the book finished by Spring.

    As usual, I will post with more updates and stuff when I'm able to.

    A Special Post


  • It's a new year of 2020, and it is time for a new post for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    What started you on your writing journey? Was it a particular book, movie, story, or series? Was it a teacher/coach/spouse/friend/parent? Did you just "know" suddenly you wanted to write?


    Nothing really started me on my writing journey. I never was influenced by anything else to want to write, but by me randomly writing down random stories one day. Writing was instinctive to me long before I knew what I wanted to do because I at first did not want to become a writer. When I was young, I wrote stories in notebooks and other papers I can get my hands on. I just created simply because I liked creating fantasy stories. Not sure why I was doing it really since at the time I did not want to be a writer. I guess I loved the idea of creating before I realized writing was my passion.

    Later on, I noticed my passion to write. This is at the time I officially began my journey. I do believe my mom encouraged me to pursue whatever I was interested in. She did also encourage me to improve my writing skills, for my writing skills seriously needed work. So, I did follow her advice.

    However, it looks like my journey still at the beginning...

    IWSG: January 8: 2020

  • It has been about 5 months since my surgery and to answer questions, yes, I am still very ill. I know weeks probably went by without me posting anything to either blog, but it has been really hard to muster up the strength to write this post. I find myself unable to write posts anymore. I know I did say I write a bunch of posts in advance, but they still need words to be added to them.

    If you notice inconsistencies with posting or even streaming on Twitch, please know this is the reason why and be understanding. I end up cutting live streams earlier than I want due to my ongoing health problems, and it just seems like I am physically unable to go for long streams. However, perhaps if I change the scheduling I could stream longer.

    Speaking of Twitch though, I wanted to announce that I will be buying a new set of equipment and add a mic to my stream. Me being introverted is not the interactive type, but my goal on Twitch is to eventually become a Partner. So, I notice the more successful streamers are the ones who interact with their viewers, and so this is why I'll be including a mic. I will add a camera later, but only when my health has been taken care of. Plus, when my full Living Doll appearance is complete. Yes, I'm still pursuing this goal, but my health as I stated before has delayed it.

    Pretty soon, I would like to stream in Turkish, but I just notice a lot of the games I play cannot be translated to the Turkish language. At the beginning of the stream, I do change the language to the language I wish to stream in. Most of the games I noticed can be translated to Russian though!

    My family owns the Xbox One and PS4, in which, everyone says by far these are the best consoles to have. That was why I was not sure about the Nintendo Switch. I mean, we did know to wait for something better than the Wii to come out, but I wanted to do research on the console before purchasing it. I do feel this one kind of ranks third. Despite my skepticism, the Nintendo Switch was my Christmas gift which was a really nice one. What I do love about the console are the more Japanese and more kawaii styled games, that seem to fit my style more. Currently, I am conducting research on games that would be worth my time and money. Actually, I want games that would be good for streaming but games I like.

    Also, I recently discovered I can stream mobile games. I don't play mobile games, but I can start if that would help me not run out of games to play. There are lots of kawaii mobile games I'm willing to stream, but the thing is just I can get easily bored with mobile games or easily distracted by another game. I have seen that Mario Kart Tour, but to honest, I think Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled is better than Mario Racing games. I love the-you know what, I'll just create another post about that whenever I'm able to.

    Lastly, despite of my health, this hasn't stopped me from editing my book, Polar Qimuktis. Nothing would stop or slow me down. I worked through my poor health, showing how determined I am to become an established author. I've been inspired by the recent mention of the Iditarod and even discovering more about my family's ancestry of the Siberian region. This helped me put some spirituality into the series. 

    So, I hope I answered the questions that were asked on social media. I am pretty much tapped out now. I'll try to post every week if I can. If there are any errors I may have missed, I'll fix them later. Well, dasvidaniya for now...

    Updates and Upgrades

  • The Steampunk genre has to be one of the most (one of many) interesting genres for books. Steampunk is considered a Sub-Genre which brings Science Fiction and Fantasy together. From my observation, it seems to lean more towards Science Fiction with a little elements of Fantasy. It does depend upon the story itself. Each story is different.

    Steampunk is usually in a historical setting, most commonly in the 19th century 1800's, but it doesn't have to always be in these times. It brings vintage and technology and also Science together. There are industrial themes and settings in Steampunk books. They have lots of machines, robots and inventions.

    Years ago, I developed an interest in Steampunk after meeting a few people on Facebook. That was all before the problem I had with Facebook. I always had an interest in 19th century history which is why I spent years studying this time period. I find everything about this time fascinating, especially the beautiful dresses. I love Victorian dresses due to their attention to detail, their style and their modesty. It's also how I was introduced to Steampunk.

    I met this British guy in particular who loved Steampunk and often wore clothing from the Victorian era. It was actually one of his professions. Then I wondered, what is Steampunk? I want to know more. So I did some searches and discovered it brings all of my interests together; Science Fiction, technology, historical eras and Fantasy.

    This is around the time I decided to write a Steampunk book series. It is Science Fiction as well as Fantasy, Action/Adventure, Paranormal and I guess Horror. Although it has been placed on hold until I am ready to publish this one, I have already worked on this WIP. I continue to add ideas to it. I've done the necessary research and created a story based off of it. The main character was and also some concepts. I just added lots more to the idea of this dream.

    I just hope to be able to create more stories in the Steampunk genre...  

    Steampunk Genre


  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you are curious to know what it is, please visit here:

    Let's play a game. Imagine. Role-play. How would you describe your future writer self, your life and what it looks and feels like if you were living the dream? Or if you are already there, what does it look and feel like? Tell the rest of us. What would you change or improve?


    As my goals always have been, I would be an established writer who already published at least some books by now. My future writer self is someone who can just write in peace and continue to do what I love doing. It would be better to live somewhere more peaceful without confrontational neighbors. I'm a peaceful person, and prefer to live in a serene place perfect for writing. In order to achieve this, I'm willing to give up some "freedoms" to live in another country if that meant being able to write more in peace. This is why I've been interested in places good for retirement. I'm not retiring but I know these locations would be appropriate for a writer.

    Since my Living Doll career is a part of my writing career, I would love to complete my Kawaii lifestyle before publication. 

    In a sense, I feel I am living the dream partially. No, some goals have not been reached yet, but I realized it is a rare value to find your passion and do accordingly. Through observation, I've seen so many not satisfied with their jobs. Life is short, and I just don't want to waste non-returnable time on something I dislike doing. I'm glad I found what I loved doing early on instead of much later. 

    IWSG: December 4, 2019

  • Since music has always been the most important part of writing (and other work), I've spoken a lot about Spotify for years. Recently however, a new incident caused me to move on to other music streamers. Well, I'm still trying to find the best music streaming service other than Spotify. I'd never thought this would ever happen.

    So, I haven't been able to post because I've not been well enough to log in to my computer. However, for the past few days I haven't used my Spotify account, I noticed strange music being played. I paid for the family premium plan and so it shares what I play on Spotify with everyone in the house. I too began, like I said before, seeing music currently playing on Spotify I know I was not playing. I also knew I don't listen to such songs. A few days later, I logged into my computer especially to see why these songs were popping up on Spotify. I saw random songs added to my favourites, recently played artists and songs were added to playlists that did not go with the lists at all. I soon realized someone had access to my Spotify account. 

    I contacted Spotify via chat, and I saw told my password was randomized without being told what my password was changed to. I know I tend to share pretty personal things, but I thought I should go post why I will not being using Spotify anymore and why not share the full story since I can? Anyway, the guy asks for a screenshot of a bank statement showing the first time I paid for Spotify Premium. You know someone doesn't just have this on hand. So I told him I would have to first find it then take the screenshot. While doing this, he continues to threaten to cut off the chat from his impatience. After awhile, he does decide to end the chat. However, he had randomized my password, logged me out of my account, and for some reason, completely deleted my Spotify account and canceled my Premium subscription. I'm not sure why he had such a foul attitude as he did and he felt the need to do all of this. 

    So, I contacted Spotify on Twitter. They pleaded to handle it through messaging, not wanting others to read how their employer's been behaving and their poor services. I did respect their wishes up until now because I felt the situation was not properly handled by neither of the staff at Spotify. I felt is was pretty crappy that they erased all of my saved payments as if I never paid anything when I had the Premium subscription for years. 

    So, I moved to Pandora, but I wasn't satisfied in how most of my music I liked listening to wasn't on this one, especially my favourite Russian singer, Sogdiana. Yes, I think it was worth leaving Spotify because someone was using my account, and plus, the first employer blocked me from having access to my own account anyway. So it was just time to move on.  

    Moving on to Other Music Streamers

  • Ever since I started reading only classic literature, I began picking up 19th century writing styles. To me, the 19th century writing seems more intellectual and- I don't know, it's just something about this writing style that I prefer.

    It became a habit really. I found myself using older phrases, words and spelling. That is why instead of favorite, I write favourite and instead of traveled, I use travelled. They are technically not incorrect spelling, but they were common during the 19th century. I have read advice against writing in the 19th century style, but I think it's not too bad for historical books.

    I find it beautiful and poetic. So, in my first book I plan to publish, I may have writing patterns from the 19th century. It's sort of a mix of 19th century and modern.

    When I stated blogging, I only wrote in this style. That was until I realized people wasn't able to understand what I saying. So, I tried modernizing my writing, although I continue to use the 19th century spelling. 

    My Ideal Writing Style

  • On my other blog, I announced our new pets. At that time, we only had two Guinea Pigs, but now we have five female Guinea Pigs. I wanted to share experiences about owning them since seeing these sort of stuff online.





    This is one of our Guinea Pigs named Bun Bun. We put this shirt on her only for the picture because she has a heart shape on her left ear. It reminds me of the heart shaped birthmark I have on my right leg. This is one of the first Guinea Pigs we purchased with another named Putina. They didn't get along which was why we had to keep them separated for a long time.


    This one is called Coco. This day, she was sick and needed to be separated from the others in order to be brought back to health. She loves her treats in which you can only find at Walmart. Our family bought her from Petco. She was surrendered by her previous owners, but before thinking poorly about the owners, we were told why she was given away. Coco does not get along with other Guinea Pigs, in fact she is very violent toward others. Our other Guinea Pig, Putina, she pulled out the fur from her back and wouldn't allow our other Guinea Pigs to eat in the cage with her. I do notice when you separate them for a few days and reintroduce them, they usually become submissive. If they do not, it does seem a new Guinea Pig is needed in order to mellow out the troublesome Piggy.


    The yellow thing on the left is their toilet. We are trying to potty train our Piggies, but they get very mean and currently does not want to be potty trained. We're still working on it though as you can see.  



    If you are wondering which one is Putina, she is the one in the corner in the left nearest to the camera. The one with the white body and brown face. In this picture, you can see Bun Bun not sharing the food. She would bite anyone who tried to eat anything out of the pan too. 


    We recently bought two more Guinea Pigs, which is the ones you see in the right corner farthest from the camera in the last picture. The brown one is Caramel and the black and white one is Baby. Actually, you can also see them in the first picture.

    I have to say, it is a lot of work caring for Guinea Pigs. There's a lot of clean up, training, feeding, grooming and supervising. When we reintroduce them together, we must always watch them carefully to monitor their behaviour between each other. Training and supervising them can be time consuming. I do recommend Guinea Pigs to people who does have the time to actually deal with them all day. My family has a ton of stuff to do, but they can get you away from what you have to do everyday if you're a busy person.

    I didn't realize this at first, but I noticed our Guinea Pigs must be trained, almost similar to a dog due to their identical behaviour. They are very destructive and mischievous animals who needs constant reminder who is boss. Since Guinea Pigs go by rank, they often tend to challenge the owner. A stern no and disciplined training will keep them from turning on their owners. Now I realize my family must treat our Guinea Pigs differently than we treat our other pets. When spoiling them too much, they tend to become very mean and it reverses the training.

    Our Guinea Pigs are always fighting for dominance, which makes me question are they really social animals. Putina, one of our Guinea Pigs prefers to be in a cage by herself and becomes territorial when putting other Piggies with her. She's a lot different though from when we first brought her home. She was a very mean bully, but then turned into a passive and submissive Piggy to all of the other Guinea Pigs. 

    Our Piggies goes into rebellion stages almost everyday where they'll refuse to eat and become picky on what is fed to them. They eat lots of lettuce, and can run through about six lettuces in a few hours. They eat quite a lot all day since they are grazers. They just seem like very greedy animals who does not like to share at all.

    We clean the cage everyday due to the mess they make. During their dominance fights, they spray each other which can be disgusting that they urine in each other's faces for dominance. They have other strange behaviours for dominance as well. This causes lots of problems though. It can be frustrating too when we just washed them, only to spray each other again and they return to smelling and being dirty. I do notice Piggies tend to always have a weird odor to them.

    One thing I didn't realize was the many diseases Guinea Pigs carry, and it can be transmitted to a human through the feces, urine, saliva, bites or scratches, according to King County. I notice developing nosebleeds each time we clean out their cages or is in direct contact with them. This is why we usually do not hold them without a puppy training pad. The bad part is that they eat their own feces and being that they urine on each other, contaminating their bodies and mouth, it can give a higher risk of infections and other contamination. That is a major reason I don't recommend kissing a Guinea Pig or allowing any part of them in your mucus membranes (mouth, ears, nose and eyes). This is with most small mammals, being that they are in the rodent family. It can also be bad since they shed off lots of fur everyday. Our family can now find their fur on our clothes and furniture, which was why I started combing and brushing them.

    One behaviour which I found was strange, was when our Piggies place their mouth and nose together and move their heads up. When Googling it, it was said this was a good sign they are playful and happy with each other, but I learned this is not always the case. Well, our Piggies, they do this to establish rank and before they begin fighting.

    I will make sure to give more updates on our Piggies soon.

    Guinea Pig Updates


  • Here is a post for Insecure Writer's Support Group; if anyone wants to learn more about it, visit here:

    What's the strangest thing you've ever googled in researching a story?

    I guess the strangest for me were googling real demons to include in my projects. It almost can seem like I'm obsessed with demons and the occult, but it's only for stories and to educate others on these topics. From the research, I have a few documents listing the demons I found. For some years now, I have been researching this through google and other sources.

    In the past, I have googled medieval torture devices and ways of tortures. I immediately stopped googling lots of things, especially in 2016, I received a message from Google informing me they are looking at my Google searches and for now on to watch what I google. This was not the only reason why I received that warning, but it allowed me to realize I couldn't just Google anything, especially since Google was trying to get me deported out of the United States. Not sure if they thought I was interested in torturing people. 

    IWSG: November 6 2019

  • Hope everyone is doing well. I wasn't going to post for today, but something compelled me to. I am spending my Halloween a bit differently this year. Well, during this time, it does inspire me to work on projects that can fit into the Halloween and Harvest season. However, I'm in reflection after recently finding out one of my favourite Youtuber passed away. The Channel is called Grandpa Kitchen, where Narayana Reddy cooks a variety of foods to feed to children in India. My family has been watching this channel for some time now and grown quite fond of seeing Narayana. Here is the video where I found out.


    My family were all saddened to know he passed away, but you can tell this was inevitable since he no longer did the cooking or anything on the channel. It can be interesting how someone you never met can impact you so, but he has impacted many lives. Narayana spent these years being a service to others which takes a lot of courage. There's just not many people in the world who cares about others and it's hard finding those who would give their time to helping those besides themselves. He can inspire others to be more considerate for less fortunate individuals.

    This is one of many reasons why I'm in reflection today. I just had to at least say something about Grandpa Kitchen when I've watched this channel for years. It's gonna be awhile to get over the news. 

    I just wanted to post about this. I'll post again soon.

    For this Halloween...

  • So, I received some questions I wanted to answer because I am unsure when I'll be able to get back on my computer.


    I received a few questions wondering if anyone ever showed me a picture of how bad my organs seem to be, especially my stomach. The answer is no. I was a bit curious after seeing one doctor obviously horrific by what he saw when looking at my stomach. This is when he told my entire stomach was literately bleeding. But then with the very poor communication and everything, I doubt they would let me see a picture.

    As for the cancer risk, I hate how I found out because no one told me. I found out by going on this site called MyChart where you can see your health records, but I feel it was impersonal and rude to remain silent about my obvious health problems. Well, it is my liver, and it seems I am on the brink of having liver cancer. It does seem the cancer can be reversed or prevented though.

    I do wish I was warned beforehand the problems of not having a gallbladder, but nothing was said to me. I learned it is dangerous for me to skip meals, in which I was use to eating one time a day before the surgery. If I do skip a meal, my entire body trembles and there are symptoms similar to a diabetic. That is why my family thinks I may be developing diabetes due to me not having a gallbladder. Many foods I cannot digest anymore such as sweets/sugar, caffeine, fatty foods, pasta, tomatoes, salads and several other things. This limits what I can eat significantly. I also have permanent blurred vision and sensitivity to lights and different colors; confusion and poor memory, which did suggest there is a neurological problem as some have suggested.

    The other stuff I'm not sure about due to my other ongoing health issues.

    I am still pursuing becoming a Living Doll, but must wait until my health problems are dealt with first.

    Another question that's unrelated, and the answer is, yes, I will start posting some stuff in Turkish and Russian. Right now, I can only write these languages on my phone and everyone knows I suck at writing on a phone. I have live streamed in Russian on Twitch plenty of times and I will do this in the future. Thank you for your interest in my ancestral culture, and I will share what I learned about it. I think I am tapped out, and have to share this in another post though. 

    Before I forget...

  • I just posted so everyone would know I'm not dead since that last post of being a cancer risk and having trouble with my heart. I wasn't really sure what to post, but I realized how long it's been since I posted something.

    Well, I have been continuing migrating from Google Docs to OneDrive where I will write for now on. It's been a long process since I have many projects, in which this made me realize the number of projects I have. Do to this, I've been still working on taking my work off Google Docs. I think I am just about done, but just have the manga projects.

    Also, I have been trying to get the hang of Twitch. I'm still new to live streaming, and I'm trying to improve our internet. I learned living up north as I do can affect the internet and we do get lots of internet disconnections. Recently, we've been getting frequent blackouts.

    Well, I'm not sure what else to write and so I'll end it there.  

    A Random Update

  • Merhaba to anyone who is reading this. Today was the only day I was able to post, but I cannot get over the poor quality care I've been receiving. No, I am not feeling any better, and everyone's lack of concern is getting ridiculous now. I am disappointed how I've been treated by every healthcare professional I seeked help from.

    Since I continue to have pain and complications even after my surgery, it is fair to say the problem was never resolved. I just hate how the surgeon and plus the doctor I recently made my primary doctor, had ridden me off and assumed they would be done with me after the surgery; neither were listening as I mentioned ongoing problems, as long with serious complications related to the surgery. While one told me those problems were for the primary doctor, the other insisted I see the surgeon about my complications, but both making it perfectly clear they had no interest in having me as a patient again. I recently removed the doctor as my primary doctor due to this, although he denies what his staff already relayed to me.

    I recently went for an MRI as I stated before in a previous post, but I never really heard anything back nor for my blood test. I did this with the specialist, but now I constantly get results from my blood test in the mail. However, how is someone suppose to understand the results if they do not work in the lab? What annoys me is how everyone continues to say everything looks perfectly normal; but this mirrors the prior incident, where they kept telling me nothing was wrong even though I needed surgery.

    When going on MyChart, I saw five health issues that was claimed I currently have. This is weird since no one contacted me at all about any of these findings. That's how it's been the entire year. There is very poor communication with everything, where I'm left in the dark about everything. For every test and procedure, they are silent, never explaining anything to me or giving me any papers that shares information about the test or procedure I just had. Plus, for tests, they all wait for a long time to decide to tell me what was found.

    One problem, Arrhythmia, affects the heart where it claims my heart has a malfunction in the electrical system. I read about it and this perfectly matches my symptoms. Reading on the treatment, according to the Mayo Clinic, Arrhythmia requires a doctor's care and sometimes can be solved with surgery.

    Second, Anemia, which was something my mom knew I had for years. The other three relates to the upper abdomen, which does need a prescription and some hospitalization (being a huge cancer risk), but I do not trust to be under a hopsital's care how I've been treated by everyone. I was very angry no one told me anything about what was found, instead, I keep being told there were no findings at all. I wonder why are they trying to cover up the obvious health problems I have?

    The specialist who performed the endoscope procedure seemed horrified by what he saw, claiming to have seen erosions, ulcers and inflammation in my entire stomach, wondering why I took Aleve. Well, I was told to take Aleve for pain; in addition, no one was willing to give me anything for the pain, not caring I was in severe pain. Dr. Sandozi said this, but afterwards he was silent as everyone else. He never was willing to help with the healing process with my stomach. No one did, which I felt was immoral to completely drop me as a patient after finding this.

    I am still in severe pain and is gravely ill, but I've been figuring out things on my own and dealing with these problems without help. For my experiences, I do not recommend anyone trust the company Allina with their health. 

    This is Ridiculous Now...


  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    It's been said that the benefits of becoming a writer who does not read is that all your ideas are new and original. Everything you do is an extension of yourself, instead of a mixture of you and another author. On the other hand, how can you expect other people to want your writing, if you don't enjoy reading? What are your thoughts?

    I do agree with that because I noticed when I listened a lot to the self-proclaimed writing experts, I found myself getting inspiration from the books I read, since they all tell you, you have to read being a writer and you're suppose to only read modern books similar to your genre. I do see how when you're reading as a writer, you often take things from the books you read either unintentional or intentionally. 

    I honestly only read classic books which is why sometimes I pick up 19th century spelling, words and phrases. This is pretty much it what I pick up from reading these books. I do worry about accidentally developing characters or my stories similar to other writer's work. Well, when I was a teen, I often had difficulties not taking inspiration from the stuff I read such as writing style and characters, but now that I'm older, I am able to read things without taking any inspiration or accidentally recycling ideas. 

    I do prefer classic reads although these experts advise against reading classic books, and how writers should read more modern books than older one; I enjoy classic books than modern books. Well, I do prefer to carefully choose my books and not waste my time on books with topics I don't like reading about. I usually though do not read in my genre, but I tend to read more educational books where I'm learning something about a topic I'm writing about. 

    I do however notice it can be beneficial to at least read something, but I don't think it has to be in the same genre you're writing in because I don't read in none of the genres I write in. I found myself creating my own phrases, story development and finding my own writing style instead of copying other's writing styles. 

    Well, I don't think it's bad if writers choose to read or not being a writer. People are different and must do whatever is best for that individual...

    IWSG: October 2, 2019

  • I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted. It just has been still hard for me to post anything due to my health; that makes it a bit hard keeping the blog active. No, I won't give up blogging, but I'll just have to post when I can. Yes, the problem with my health never changed. In fact, I felt it get worse for the past few days. At this point, I am unsure what to do since every single doctor I went to hasn't been willing to help me; treating me like an after thought. If  no one is serious in getting the care I need, I'm stuck wondering how to resolve this problem without a physician. I continue to be disappointed by my poor quality care.

    I haven't been well enough to work on trying to polish my Polar Qimuktis book, but I am starting the process of migrating from Google Docs. Due to Google removing many of their departments, I just wanted my work to be somewhere I feel is more secure. So, I decided to work on OneDrive although I've been experiencing some difficulties doing so. That's why I looked up other places that allows you to write books, but I just don't trust companies I've never heard of before or don't know enough about. First too, I like to see their stocks and how the company is doing to make sure my work won't be lost. It does seem Microsoft is more secure than other companies.

    My health did delay my book being released. However, I recently believed releasing it during the winter season would be more appropriate.

    It has been hard to post for one blog, let alone three. I will try to post something for the two other blogs as well when I can. That's all I can write.  

    Just Wanted to Share an Update...

  • I haven't been able to do any writing or work on my computer, but I just wanted to post something for the week just in case I can't post later.

    First, earlier I had a test called endoscopy where a long tube goes down the throat to examine the organs in the upper abdomen. I was nervous, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The worse part was prepping because I had already gotten stuck the day before twice for blood work. Although, I won't know the results of the biopsies, I was able to know what's most of my problem right away. When I woke up, the procedure was over, and I learned I my entire stomach has erosions, ulcers and inflammation, and that my stomach is bleeding throughout the entire organ. Now I know I have about five damaged parts, my liver, pancreas, throat, stomach and gallbladder which was why my gallbladder was removed. All of this damage was caused by taking Aleve. However, I took this only from another physician's orders, which made my problem worse. I was told by the doctor to stop taking Aleve immediately. They also found an infection, in which my UTI was never treated because no one has been willing to treat the infection. Well, there was signs of candida too.

    To confess, it was also caused by eating processed food, which does show how harmful American food is. It is being made with inedible chemicals and synthetic ingredients not safe for human consumption. Obviously, the advertising departments of these food companies manipulates viewers to be attracted to the ads. This is in order to make the food enticing. In America, no one cares anything at all about the citizens just as long as they could make money while short changing its people.

    So, I am just trying to recover from the test/procedure, in which I am having symptoms of complications. Thursday, I go in for an MRI and if I am well enough, I can share the findings this week.

    As far as for writing updates, in spite of my health, I have been trying to work on stuff but found myself unable to. This week, I couldn't work on editing Polar Qimuktis, but I've been trying to see if I can work on OneDrive.

    My health also prevented me from wearing my Lolita and Kawaii clothes. So, to make up for skipping the year, I now wear kawaii themed braids. I wanted a kawaii twist to a traditional hairstyle. which are Turkmen. Since learning about my ancestry, I've been wanting to get into who I really am.

    I can't write anymore since I am in severe pain. So, I'll end it there.   

    What's New...

  • Recently, I've been getting into the final editing of Polar Qimuktis. It has been hard, but I try to do a little everyday. During editing, it was pointed out I use lots of non-American spelling, words and phrases when writing. I'm not sure where this habit originated from; perhaps reading classic books all the time? I have noticed these books having the same spelling and words that I now use in writing.

    I was told I would feel better after surgery, but I don't feel better. In fact, I am feeling worse. I notice my family worrying since learning I was close to death. Before surgery, I did feel myself losing energy and life draining from me. My mom told me a bunch of crows surrounded the house, almost as if they knew I was dying. I felt weaker and weaker each day, but I didn't realize I was actually dying. A few days later, the same ill feelings return, especially this strange pain in my upper abdomen. I am not sure what this pain is since the surgery did not solve anything. I realized perhaps I'm not out of the woods yet.

    Some asked to see the incisions, and so here is one...


    The stitches are inside the incision, which allows you to see inside of these deep cuts. I now have a problem where 3 of the incisions are reopening and I feel the stitches busting. I have been doing things against what I'm suppose to do after surgery. Yes, I confess to lifting things heavier than 10 pounds, which can cause serious injury.

    So, I am trying to figure out why I feel the same after my surgery.

    I am in bad shape; so I just wanted to post for the week unless I decide to share another health update this week.


    New Random Updates



  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit this link:

    If you could pick one place in the world to sit and write your next story, where would it be and why?


    I am a person who loves peace, and so I would like to write in a place with the most peace. This isn't a wish though, but a dream that I'm working on making a reality soon. I just have to find that place in the world where I can just live in peace and write. 

    I would prefer to return to one of my ancestral homes, or return to the country my mom came from before she was adopted. It would be nice to write in a place with lots of beautiful landscape scenery, especially where I feel spiritually connected to. 

    Perhaps it would be either in Istanbul, Ankara or Trabzon Turkey or Russia in the Volga region. It can be sort of hard for me to choose, but perhaps I would pick Russia because there are very beautiful and serene looking scenery that would be perfect for a writer. I wouldn't mind writing in a simple place with quietness and serenity.

    IWSG: Sepember 4 2019

  • It's been 15 days since my surgery, yet I still struggle with recovering. The surgery has slowed me down significantly to the point it's really hard caring for my new rabbit and other pets my family has. It wasn't until now did I realize how much work it is caring for a rabbit. It's a good thing I get help from my family.

    It's even hard writing posts, but I  just tried to post something in order to keep the blog active. Unfortunately I haven't been well enough to post for my other two blogs, but I'll post whenever I'm able to. I know I haven't posted since surgery.

    It really sucks when you find out you're not as healthy as you thought you were, and these are one of those cases with me. So apparently, I have a few other health problems and so I do have an appointment to further examine my upper abdomen, where my problem is. I may need another procedure done, but I am hoping I don't have to go through another surgery. I am still regretting having my first surgery.

    Despite this, I am still trying to get my book Polar Qimuktis released, but it has been hard doing so. I just need to make sure it is completely polished before sending it out there. In spite of my health, I am still determined to finally become a published writer. I didn't work this hard just to give up. Well, my family's been my source of encouragement because I've struggled to pursue being a writer. I think I would feel better if I was to publish something.

    So, I can only write this for now. I'll make sure to share more updates soon.

    A Few Random Updates

  • Around 8:45 a.m., I went for my appointment at the Unity Clinic to see the surgeon/doctor who removed my gallbladder. Walking there was really hard for me, but I paced myself and got help walking into the clinic.

    I spent more time with the nurse than with the surgeon. I did answer the question was I still in pain, and the answer is yes, I am still in a lot of pain. The doctor though never offered me more pain medicine. In fact, I felt the whole appointment was rushed and as usual, I was being over talked about how I felt. Well, both said the incisions look good, but it is normal I still have pain since it's only been a week after surgery. I really hated that he pressed into my stomach, causing me more pain. I think also I spent more time in the lab for a blood test than in the room, where this woman kept saying I looked like someone she knew. I then wondered if she ever went to the school I attended before I was homeschooled.


    This is one of the incisions. As you can see, it's small which is pretty good, but that doesn't mean the pain isn't still severe. Now, I see some of the incisions trying to reopen, but I'm trying to prevent that from happening.

    I am continuing to just take Tylenol and Aleve for pain. Since I am still recovering, my boss allows me to just do paperwork until I feel better. I've been however trying to at least get back into writing, but I can do it only for a few minutes at a time and then take a break, and then I return back to it.

    I do have to say, I am very disappointed in the healthcare service I received all this year. This was the reason why I disliked going to the doctor and I prefer to only go when it's serious. Being a healthcare professional myself, it's a shame I don't have faith in the quality of our healthcare and other professionals. I hate how healthcare professionals seem to not care at all about their patients, and they lose sight of why they even become healthcare professionals in the first place. If they had of stalled one more month, I found out I would've been dead, and no one seemed to even care. I dislike all of these disparities within the U.S. healthcare system in every way. With my experiences, I would like to continue speaking out regarding this serious problem of how people receive mediocre and poor quality services. During the 8 or 9 years I've worked as a Nursing Assistant, I learned it shouldn't matter where a person comes from, their colour, their economic background or how they dress; the important thing is that you treat everyone with the same respect, dignity and you make sure you give them the services they need.However, most healthcare professionals wishes to know all of these facts and treat the patient according to a person's economic background, their job, nationality, race and any other reason they may give patients different care.

    With my experiences this year, I am not sure about going back to another physician. If so, I would not want to see the same doctor who went on vacation without leaving me in another doctor's care when I have something life threatening health problems. If I ever need this sort of care, I wouldn't go to Allina and I may not want to be seen here in the United States. 

    Day 8 of Recovery

  • It's been 6 days since my gallbladder surgery and I wanted to share an update. Posting about this has helped me get through my recovery process. These past 6 days has been really hard for me. I've been in excruciating pain and I haven't been able do much of anything. I've been too weak and not being able to eat anything. For the first few days, I haven't eaten in two days, but my mom kept trying to get me to eat, but I couldn't get pass a nauseous feeling. I could only sip a bit of water, but my mom kept introducing me to food. I had to gradually return to eating since in the hospital I wasn't allowed to eat anything, but that got me in a habit of not eating at all. Now I have been eating, but I think I've been eating the wrong foods because my stomach has been very irritated.

    I assumed this surgery would get rid of the episodes of pain in my upper abdomen, but it did not. Strangely, I am still experiencing this severe pain in my stomach. This made me think Dr. Cody was right in stating he doesn't think the gallbladder was the only reason to my problems, and it was one of a few things that gave me trouble. My whole digestive system seemed ruined from the gallbladder and how it was made very differently than other people's gallbladders, and that's why it was advised to get my gallbladder removed.

    Well, day 6, I am still in severe pain and I am out of my pain medicine prescribed to me. However, since this serious drug abuse epidemic in America, most physicians don't like refilling prescriptions even if they see the patient really needs it. Well, I don't think Dr. Cody gave me enough because 15 wasn't enough for someone who just had surgery. Luckily, my family has pain medicine at home, but it hasn't been too helpful. Well, sometimes is has helped me go to sleep and I felt I needed the sleep.

    I've tried pushing myself in returning to my daily work and activities, but I only set myself back when doing this. I know it was advised that I be extremely careful because I am a huge fall risk, which was why I had to be constantly monitored in the hospital. Each time I got up to use the bathroom, a nurse came into the room to make sure I wouldn't fall and injure myself. The same thing sort of has been happening at home where my family makes sure I don't have anything in the way to prevent any injury.

    I have four bandages on my stomach. Would you like to see?



    Here it is. The on lowest is covering my naval. One of the incisions were in my naval, causing soreness in my naval now. I would like to get them changed, but I was told I wasn't suppose to change the bandages at home. The surgeon is suppose to change my bandages on the 26 when he examines my incisions. These incisions are very painful and it's been hard walking, in which, I've been walking hunched over. Plus, I can only rest sitting up and not lying all the way down. When returning home, I tried laying down on the bed on my back, but it was a disaster. I found myself unable to get back up and I had difficulty breathing as it was in the hospital. I noticed when I'm lying flat down, my chest and neck closes up.

    I was told my throat will be sore for awhile due to the tube pushed down my throat to help me breathe during surgery. My throat is still sore, in fact, there is a sore at the top of my mouth that doesn't want to heal. It's more like a gash at the top, which makes it hard to eat and drink. The gash is now hot to touch and I know these are signs of an infection. Despite this, I do have to say, this new Apple Juice by Honest that I do know was created by Jessica Alba has helped during my recovery process.

    So, I'll give more updates on my recovery progress. 

    Day 6 of Recovery

  • I have to say, these has been the worst few days of my life. Currently, I am at home, but before my discharge time because of a mean nurse that seemed to spoil the bunch. She was very nasty and our boss advised to put a complaint out on the nurse. So, we did, especially after the nurse was constantly insulting and for some reason, had something personally against me and my mom.

    First, I will start off with Monday when I went for an appointment at the Fairview clinic in Fridley to see a general surgeon for my gallbladder removal. We did arrive there at 7a.m. even though my appointment was at 9a.m. The Nurse who was supposed to be prepping me before the surgeon, she was yelling at the top of her lungs at us saying we're supposed to have came at 9:00 am, but she was very angry we arrived early. However, I had been in excruciating pain really since January due to misdiagnoses and physicians who were unwilling to help me. I had severe pain during this time and didn't know if I could sit there for too long. So after arguing with this Nurse for a few minutes, before I was even weighed, I told her I just wanted to go without being seen. Nonchalantly, the Nurse said, "Okay." The surgeon never called or anything. I did think going to Marple Grove was too far anyway.

    I just wanted to go home and rest, but my mom insisted that I don't give up. She drove me to Allina Unity Hospital. At the time, my mom and I never heard of the reviews which speaks against seeking care here. I just wanted somewhere closer to home. After the encounter with the Nurse however, I was frustrated and annoyed with everyone because as I stated, I was sick of being treated poorly and people not helping me when I am gravely ill. I was taken in the back immediately to get some vitals. I had a fever, which was a concern at the moment. Now, everyone was finally on board that I had gallstones that needed to be removed. I continued to suffer from a UTI, but it still seemed no one wanted to give anything for the infection.

    I was given another ultrasound before meeting my new surgeon, Dr. Cody who at first the introduction was a bit rocky, but later on, I realized he lightened up and was more diplomatic. I did share my symptoms with him, and he told me he feels the gallstones are most likely not the only problem I have, but it may help with one issue, but not getting rid of all of my symptoms. Usually with just gallstones. there is no pain in someone's entire stomach which made me a bit curious what else was going on.

    My mom told me Dr. Cody said my gallbladder opening was smaller than the average person's gallbladder. Due to how long every physician waited as long as they did, it became very dangerous. I didn't realize how close to death I was.

    This was my very first surgery, in which I never knew what to expect. Well, I did being a healthcare professional myself and research, but not at a personal level. Going under anesthesia wasn't a bad feeling at all. It just felt like my usual tiredness after all night of writing and finally going to sleep. I blacked out, not remembering anything else, but then I found myself waking up and this guy sitting beside my bed, asking how was I feeling. I didn't like the feeling of waking up because I tried hard to wake up, but couldn't wake up as I wanted to. Everything was blurry as well. I was in severe pain, but I don't remember anything else but being brought into a room for post-surgery patients. At that time, I really hated how I felt.

    The first two Nurses who assisted me at night I do have to say were diplomatic and professional, and I do appreciate how nice they were. I mean, they all rushed to me when I said I had difficulty breathing and a very nice woman explained kindly how I will be in some pain and it's going to take some time to feel better.

    However, since there is a complaint, I will share the full experience since this will also be viewed by those in charge at Unity. So, her name was Kathy and the number was 62302 who made the end of the experience bad. As soon as she first stepped into the room, Kathy was yelling about the circulation in my legs and preventing blood clots, in which this was something my mom and I did know being healthcare professionals. I even made a post on leg circulation. My mom was trying to explain to Kathy she's also a nurse and has been a nurse for over 25 years. I stepped in and said she would know that about preventing blood clots, and it was only because of her tone and how she was saying it. I don't like hearing people disrespecting my mom at all. Finally, my mom said she's getting her Master's degree in the healthcare major. Kathy says, "Good for you."

    Next up, she was yelling at my mom about going down to the cafeteria, but rudely insisting on ordering something from the menu.

    Well, the most insulting comment was how Kathy kept yelling at me saying how I need to get up and walk around. I can't just sit in bed all day, which was an insult to someone who's a Nursing Assistant, full time writer, game developer, fashion designer, blogger and who is creating their own e-commerce store. I was like, are you kidding me? I am a home-healthcare Nursing Assistant who goes around helping those with physical and mental disabilities in their home because they don't have anyone else to help them. That isn't anyone who just sits around the house all day. Yeah, she said it as if I don't have a life, a job or anying, but I just lay in bed day-in and day-out, doing absolutely nothing. How would she know what I do all day?

    She asked how would I rate my pain. Honestly, it was excruciating and so I answered truthfully saying it was a 10. Then all of a sudden, she says, "seriously?" Laughing. She said there was no way my pain could be at a 10 and how unrealistic that was, but how did she know how bad my pain was? I already knew how the scale 1-10 worked, I think everyone even non-healthcare professionals does understand how it works and what it means. No, I wasn't being unrealistic and yes, I did know what I was saying, in which it wouldn't have been unrealistic for a person who just had surgery to get their gallbladder removed a few hours ago. Someone who was in agonizing pain, that was very insulting and insensitive to say the least. For hours, I was in pain, but she stalled and didn't want to give me any pain medicine, a good thing my mom had a Tylenol in her purse that I was able to take. She was very nonchalant I was in pain.

    I was supposed to get discharged, but she purposely stalled and waited, knowing I was in severe pain. My medicine I was prescribed hadn't been filled also, and it wouldn't be filled until about 7:00 p.m., which was a long time for someone to wait who just had surgery. I'm not sure what was Kathy's deal and why she hated me so much when neither of us hadn't of did anything to her. So, I just wanted to leave without the discharge papers and the prescription since I was in so much pain and no one was willing to give me anything else. We left, and when we were leaving, the Nurse made a joke out of a tragedy my mom told her about that happened at the Target parking lot. I didn't think a 4 year old boy and his mother getting ran over and drug underneath a vehicle was funny, in which the entire staff behind the counter thought it was amusing. I thought they all were very insensitive and it was inappropriate to have laughed about a child and his mom getting hit by a car being healthcare professionals. Obviously they don't care anything at all about patients and I would feel very uncomfortable being under their care again.

    I just hated how she always had to be right and how she had to be more experienced and more knowledgeable than my mom, and of course, I didn't know anything because I'm nothing but a slob who lays in bed all day without no life or job or career. During the entire time, my mom still tried to get her to lighten up and remained professional and nice to her even though she there seemed to be something about us she loathed. I wasn't sure what it was about us that she disliked, and why she thought she needed to sabotage me and personally attack me and my mom. We never did or say anything that would offend or disrespect her, but every word she spoke, it was insensitive and cruel. 

    I said this whole thing so I could give my full experience and since they did wish for me to share all that happened at this hospital. I was very disappointed at the end. This did make me skeptical about returning to this hospital for anything else.

    So, I am currently trying to recover from surgery. It may take awhile...        

    Surgery-Day and Post-Surgery Day

  • Since I am sharing health updates, some of these posts now may be more frequent. I am glad I started sharing my experiences of getting mediocre care and my illness because this has been getting me more of cooperation by medical professionals. I feel however I shouldn't have to do this in order to receive help.

    So yesterday at 7:00 a.m., I went for an ultrasound for my upper abdomen, where I get most of my pain and these episodes of extreme pain. I went back home and a few hours later, the doctor called saying I had a lot of gallstones that did require surgery. Reading the posts seemed to have caused some guilt since the doctor at first did not have any interest in helping me. I don't care really, I just want to be done with this. So it was theorized I had been passing gallstones this whole time which caused my severe pain and bleeding. I was diagnosed with a very bad UTI (Urinary Tract Infection), but twice, the medicine I was prescribed I wasn't able to take. Well both times, I got allergic reactions to them. The doctor never prescribed anything else for the infection, but it never went away. In fact, it seemed to have spreaded which was a concern. My recent symptoms match an inflammatory pelvic issue, which does cause sterilization if not treated. So, I'm trying to find someone who cares enough to help me with the infection. So far, I can't find anyone who will try to find me medicine I'm not allergic to.

    From the ultrasound anyway, it was also mentioned my liver is not in good shape, but right now, the gallstones have to be taken care of first. It was recommended I have the surgery before Monday. I was told if I have another episode again, I should go to the ER.

    So, I will give updates if something new happens and thank you for reading this. 

    Health Update 3

  • Not how long it has been since I posted, but I haven't been able to turn on my computer since I last posted. I will give these health updates because my family agrees to continue to go public with my story since this is such ridiculous treatment I am receiving.

    So, the current doctor who is suppose to help me, he says I'm at dangerous levels, but then him and the other staff retracts it, saying it's nothing wrong with me. I mean, they know it's something there, but it seems as if they are trying really hard not to help me. Just yesterday, the staff told me the doctor was already on vacation and so a nurse would give me my lab results, in which I got another blood test yesterday. My family and I keep calling because of the severe pain I'm in and how gravely ill I am, but everyone keeps treating me like an after thought. I mean, of course it wouldn't bother them since they are not the ones feeling this severe pain.

    Just today though, the doctor called himself even though he was suppose to be on vacation and said my levels were at a life threatening number and suggested to schedule for an ultrasound. The doctor mentioned I had liver sludge and gallstones, but we were frustrated he decided to wait all this time to share this information. The liver sludge does require surgery, but the medical professionals for some reason stalls in getting me care. I mean, I am doing all of the things they lecture us about doing when these things happens. I tried getting help before it became a life threatening problem, but no one has been willing to help me, but give me half services. Their nonchalance annoys me, especially when I hear everyday how America is the leading country for healthcare, services and technology, but it's a shame I don't have access to these top of the line services. As a Nursing Assistant, it gets hard helping others when I need help myself.

    As far as for my health, I'm not sure what else to do besides go to the appointment for the ultrasound.

    For my writing, I haven't been able to get any work done unfortunate due to my health getting worse recently. Since I did log into my computer today, I'll try to do some work until the severe pain returns. I have started a new project for a game, and that's currently what I'm doing at the moment. I will make sure to give even more updates whenever I can. 

    Health Update 2 (And More)


  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    Has your writing ever taken you by surprise? For example, a positive and belated response to a submission you'd forgotten about or an ending you never saw coming?

    Since I outline, that has eliminated most of the surprise out of the writing part. Well, rereading the Polar Qimuktis book, I was a bit surprised to realize how dark it was. It's not as dark as other work, but there are some dark elements in the series. I am also surprised of how dark some of my writing is. Dark, I mean writing a lot about demons and hell. 

    There has been some changes to a few projects that I did surprise me even though I made those changes. They were just sudden changes. For example, one Thriller project I'm working on, I added a Ukrainian character. This changed the book's theme since I wanted it to be a Western. At first, this was the way I wanted it, but recent changes also changed the book. This isn't the POV, but it is one of the main characters. I'm just keep going to see if I like this version of the book. Some of these surprises are similar. 

    Well, I think those are the only things I can think of.  

    IWSG: August 7 2019

  • I wanted to share some updates on my health, especially since I am uncertain if I will be able to reply to comments right away from the Insecure Writer's Support Group. I'll be able to participate because I write my posts months in advance and they're set for scheduling. I write it as soon as the optional question is changed. I do usually reply to all comments, but there may be a delay this time as it has been delays in replying to messages and other things.

    The main reason to this post was sharing disbelief this became a real life Mystery Diagnosis incident. Since the beginning of the year, I've dealt with severe pain and feeling very ill, but everyone I came to just brushed it off as nothing. That left the problem getting worse. It came to the point where I couldn't function throughout the day. It was frustrating how every healthcare professional acted as if it was all in my head and I was making a big deal over nothing, but it wasn't nothing since I felt this severe pain day in and day out. Well, they wouldn't care since they weren't the ones dealing with this.

    The ER, everyone kept saying they couldn't find anything that could be wrong with me and you know, it's probably just indigestion. This was not indigestion. I wouldn't be wasting anyone's time for some indigestion.

    Although, I received the green light recently at the ER and everywhere else, I went to an appointment yesterday and took a blood test. Hours later, I got a call saying my liver and pancreas levels were dangerously high, but funny, the ER tested me for just that and said I was perfectly fine. It was suggested that I go immediately to the ER. The problem is the ER continues to brush me off. It wasn't until I started sharing my story, did someone take me seriously. I learned today my problem is worse than what everyone else told me, making me believe it wasn't serious. It's actually life threatening, but I'm still not sure what exactly it is. I'll continue to share especially if that means getting the help I need. Since I have been sharing this, I can share the diagnosis.

    I was told to go the next day for testing, but I may be able to reply to comments if I can do so the same day. I will make corrections on any errors whenever I can.

    A Health Update

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