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  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit this link:

    Quote: "Although I have written a short story collection, the form found me and not the other way around. Don't write short stories, novels or poems. Just write your truth and your stories will mold into the shapes they need to be."
    Have you ever written a piece that became a form, or even a genre, you hadn't planned on writing in? Or do you choose a form/genre in advance?

    That is an interesting question. I would have to say I outline everything and plan out every aspect of the project I'm working on. This does include the genre. Write below the summary or plot of the project, I include what genre it is in. Writing outlines for me helped reduce unintended stuff. For the most part, but I end up adding hints of horror or dark fantasy into my writing in some way. I guess this counts. It does since I don't intend to include horror elements, but I guess it's hard for me to not include the underworld, demons, spirits, the undead or something like that. Some of my projects, not all of them. It just gets a little boring to me without paranormal or horror. 

    For the most part though, I plan in advance. This way, I feel it's best to know where I'm going and it's a roadmap for me to follow. I understand every writer is different, but personally, I do find it easier to stick to the genre I picked. 

    IWSG: August 5th 2020

  • Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled is a game I ran across a year or two ago through a Youtube video. This was while I was trying to find new games. I've always been a Crash fan, but I have to admit, I'm still new to Crash games. Still, I do love the Crash characters and games. When I saw this one being announced, I had to purchase this one. I think it was preordered? Don't remember.

    When I first played it, I didn't have a clue as to how the Youtubers won the races, but I quickly caught on you had to "power slide" or whatever. I learned gradually over time how to win races and be a better player, but I am still kind of new to this game. I still haven't mastered hopping and the adventure mode, and a lot of the items from the shop I still have to unlock. However, I do find this game fun that will keep you entertained for a long time. In my opinion, the Crash racing game is by far the best racing game out there and the themes, carts and characters were my favourites.

    What I liked most about the game was the ability to customize your vehicle and character a bit. You can incorporate your own style into the game. Being that I am more of a kawaii person, I liked the pastel colours and cute decorations. I also loved the cute characters. My favourite characters were:

    • Coco Bandicoot
    • Crash Bandicoot
    • Polar
    • Yaya Panda
    • Megumi 
    • Liz 
    • Megumi
    • Tiger
    • Tawna Bandicoot
    • Nina Cortex
    • Pasadena O'Possum
    • Isabella

    The Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled game has been such a crazy, interesting, quirky, funny and entertaining ride; This is a game where I can never get tired of playing, ever. just before I posted this, there was an announcement of a new Crash game! Coming out on October 2nd! I first read it here. I am fairly new to Crash games. My first play was Crash of the Titans some time ago. Then I began wondering were there more Crash games? Years later when I first saw Crash Team Racing-Nitro Fueled, I knew I had to buy it. I do have to say, I've became a huge Crash fan and a little obsessed. Whatever that's new for Crash, I'll be sure to know.  

    Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled

  • I just realized I missed the post for Insecure Writer's Support Group which has never happened before. I promise to participate in the next post. I've been absent a lot on my blogs, but I'll try to return to regularly posting.

    Most of my agendas consist of working on my books, manga and games. I tried completing a manga and game, plus finishing the second Polar Qimuktis. So far, I have 217 pages for the book and 163 pages for the manga. I'm aiming to write at least 200 pages, but I don't want to stretch it too far if there's nothing more to write in the manga. Since I do write books though, perhaps that was practice filling longer scenes. Yes, I am still preparing the first Polar Qimuktis. I do know ever since this pandemic, books were deemed non-essential. I have tried to wait on the right time to publish.

    I learned more about manga writing. While writing one day, I was curious how many pages could go into a single chapter. Well, my question wasn't answered that day. Instead, I received irrelevant answers. I did get an idea of how many pages for an entire manga, and that is 180 or 200. This is just an average of course. It does depend upon the manga. The next day, I got my answer about the pages in the chapters during a look at panels. From what I read, it's about 15 to 50 pages. Again, that all depends upon the manga and author. I thought this was different than books when you're taught to write no more than 10 or 15 pages per chapter. I saw how flexible manga can be, but for me, I want to shoot for 200 pages.

    The disappointing part about this, I mean, I do like how it's going, but it looks like I'll have to end up rewriting the manga script. I'll relook at the outline, which is the original 2015 version. I know I have a habit of rewriting my outlines, but I actually preferred the original outline over the newer versions.

    I didn't know I'll be posting this on my birthday, but anyway, I'll try to keep the blog active. 

    Missed the Group Post

  • I ran across a question regarding the importance of game storylines. Do games needs an actual story and plot? I have came across games where the story or plot is weak, but still it is a good gameplay. Sometimes, I don't think it matters. I must admit to not paying too much attention to the story anyway. I'm the one who skips over the cutscenes, skips the dialogue, but that's only for games I see doesn't have a well thought out story. That or I just want to play the game. I may not could tell you what the game is about or the names of the characters, but I do enjoy playing the game.

    Recently though, I have been seeking for games specifically with solid stories. Being interested in storytelling increased my interest in storylines. I think it's also due to my game projects. While playing or watching someone else play, I noticed recently I pay attention to the dialogue and story more. The start of game writing and creation I believe allows me to take more time during my own gameplay. Since realizing how much time is put into actually making a game, it can make you better appreciate them. It allows me to try to take more time with the story of the game. There have been games that's been worth the time I feel.

    As a creator of games, I learned the importance of having a great story. I do believe a good story enhances the gameplay and keeps the player engaged and interested. That's why I try to carefully develop the stories for my game projects. My favourite combinations in games are amazing colors, originality, adventure, thought provoking, great music and a story that could stay with me. There's not many of those, but there's a few games where the stories have been interesting. So interesting, I'm still thinking of them. I will share a list of the games I feel are worth playing for the story. I'm posting game reviews and will mention the games in those posts. This post here was to discuss game storylines. 

    Game Storyline

  • It's time for another post for The Insecure Writer's Support Group. Please visit here to learn more.

    There's a lot that has happened here in Minnesota. I've stayed safe by staying out of the way and just observe from afar. All day and all night, I can hear chaos and mayhem. Writing can sort of help briefly forget about the world around you, but then it did help to listen out for any suspicious noises that came too close. It can be disturbing to hear people screaming, people overtaking houses and destruction. I see writing especially during these times therapeutic. It happens to be the only thing I find therapeutic in these stressful times.

    So I do think writing is just as stress relieving as reading can be. Although there may be troubles such as rioting, protests or other problems in your writing, I still find it a way to relieve stress, escape even if it's for a brief moment. No, I'm not saying run away from things that you don't like or escaping reality or being in a fantasy world since being into healthcare and they often misunderstand these concepts. This is merely relieving stress, nothing more than that. I am not saying run away from problems or neglecting anything. I feel as a writer, it will be my job to help people find different worlds even if it is for brief moments. I would like my work to relieve stress even though there are problems in the work, and this is why I am writing projects for when others don't feel like reading about problems that are too intense.

    Being in the healthcare field, I find it good to discover something that helps you deal with stress in healthy ways. Writing is not only healthy, (depending upon what you're writing), but it's also productive.   

    IWSG: June 3rd 2020

  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's support group post. If you would like to learn more about it, visit here.

    It was skrewed up since I write my post early and schedule them, but the last one was changed at the last minute relating to the Coronavirus which messed up my routine. Since those already commented on the post, it would be a mismatch for me to change it, but I guess I could. I write my post in advance as I do all of my posts due to my health. I'm unable to write posts on the exact same day, which was why I have to write them in advance. So this time, I won't do the optional question. 

    Despite of my health worsening, I have been getting more work done than before. For the past few weeks though, I haven't been able to get anything done because of my health. Well, most of the month of April, but the end of the month, I was able to sit up and do a little bit and then rest. I am very disappointed though how my surgery and health keeps me from the one thing I love doing most, writing. Before, I was able to finish about three chapters in one sitting, but I am glad to take my time in order to have better quality material. Still, I know the quality has improved since years ago, and it would be great if I was able to get work done like years ago, chapters done in one session. I worked like, not sure, I never kept track of the time. My guess would be 6 hours? I normally skip sleep and work on my projects all night. Unfortunately I am unable to do so anymore ever since my surgery. 

    I was very happy on April 28th, I worked from 10:00 p.m. as usual. That was a good night for me. Well, not really. Recently, I've been noticing strange blackouts on one side of my head where it feels one side of my head shuts down. This affects my ability to think during writing, resulting in confusion. The only thing I can do is work hard pass the confusion. 

    I'm not sure what else to write and so I'll end it there. 

    IWSG: May 9th 2020

  • I know my bad review on Dell computers, but since I needed a new laptop (again), my mom suggested to try a Dell again. I did not want to get another notebook since I bought two and I had problems where they don't have enough space I need for working on them. I mean, the laptops are not able to be updated regularly which leaves them prone to being compromised. So far, I am impressed by the Dell laptop I have, but it's too early to say. Besides, I remember saying that about every new laptop I posted about. I'll give an update later.

    I at first went for smaller laptops such as notebooks because I started disliking the bulky computers. I liked compact and more fitting kawaii themes. Since getting into web development in school however, I'm learning more about computer storage and memory. Stuff like that. I realized the computers I was picking out were cute, but they didn't have enough storage for my needs.

    My previous bad reviews were solely from personally owning a few Dell laptops. I was disappointed of their unreliability during my need to work on them. I use my laptop for work as a writer, plus studying web development among so many other things work related activities. Years ago, one laptop would literally cut off on me without warning. My mom is working on her doctorate degree at the only college that's open in the United States, Liberty University. Yeah, a Christian college which tempted me to also enroll into this one as well. It's interesting because the Bible is incorporated into the curriculum.

    Now that I have this new laptop, I have been trying to at least more writing. I haven't posted because I was without a computer for awhile until now. Well, also because my health has gotten worse. Even though I tried returning to writing, it's been hard. Still, I push to get at least something done each day.

    Back to writing, I returned to working on the second Polar Qimuktis and now I am making sure the first book is perfected. That is due to the down time because of the crisis. I'm making the most of what's going on. I just heard the market is not good for books, manga or games, those 3 things I create. It seems to slowly be returning in the entertainment's favour, which would be soon I suppose would be appropriate to publish.

    I have some books and manga that only have random main scenes written for them. Right now, I will start trying to put my projects together into one cohesive story. It's been a lot of brainstorming and getting into my playlists. I found a new streaming service called Tidal which I used with Google Music.

    I know I haven't been streaming any games on Twitch lately. The truth is I can't sit up long enough to stream a game, but I've been working on my channel anyway. I'll try to stream soon.

    So, I'll share more updates soon. 

    Returned to Dell (And More Updates)

  • I've heard of the Spyro Reignited Trilogy game that was released in 2018. That sounds about right when I first heard it being announced. First off, I have to say I've been a huge Spyro fan for years. I remember playing the Legend of Spyro game. I mean one of those games, not all of them. I guess playing one was enough to begin this Spyro obsession.

    It was amazing to see how this game was upgraded from the 90's version. I love the voice acting and the graphics. I just love fantasy themes probably because I am a fantasy writer. Anyway, the fantasy scenes is what drawn me to the game. It was interesting to travel to these different lands and look at every corner of them. Of course, without falling to your death. The Spyro game can be quite comical in this way. I had too many weird fails and me being new to the game, I didn't know how to do some things. So this caused several strange mistakes and deaths. I still have to view tutorials to know how to pass specific levels. Other than that, I do find this game addicting and worth playing over and over again.

    My least favourite would have to be the flight part where you have a certain amount of time to fly and use your fire on various items while in the air. I was never able to complete a single one unfortunately. If you watch my live streams on Twitch, you'll know what I mean. Even though they're fails, I never miss an opportunity to live stream. I actually do this every time I play the game. I made this a habit now.

    I guess when I fully get the hang of this game, I'll be better able to enjoy it. I'm currently trying to learn how to play better.

    Spyro returned in this reignited game and plus in Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled! Will we see Spyro in future games?! Please let there be more Spyro games! 

    Spyro Returns!

  • It's April 1st, time for another Insecure Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, visit this link:

    Do you have any rituals that you use when you need help getting into the ZONE? Care to share? 

    Well, I don't do anything special but look over notes if I have them. The outlines and notes help me see where I'm going. Then I'm staring into space for awhile. I noticed this strange habit recently. I think this is only because I now have a problem with concentrating. I noticed some strange behaviours I never had before prior to my surgery, which effects my writing. This is why I do need something to help 

    I first go to my playlist though and have to plan out what I'll do for the project I will work on for that day. The music helps me get into a specific mind set in order to write in a particular tone. This is only for orchestral music, which I love for Fantasy, Science Fiction and Horror projects. When it comes to my other music, it is universal but still I suppose gets me into a "zone". No, it's not orchestral music. I have different playlist that helps me get into writing. All the other ones are international/world music. The lyrics no longer have to relate to my writing. It just have to be my preference of music as I write.  I think my music is my main source for this question. 

    IWSG: April 1, 2020

  • After a long struggle of trying to finish rereading my Polar Qimuktis book, I have completed this goal. I wished to have finished rereading and editing the book sooner, but it's better than not ever finishing. My work is not quite done as I realized though. I fixed most of the errors. While the very ending is fine the way it was before, it was agreed the conclusion needed more to be added. So I believe to have amplified the intensity of the mood felt in the conclusion.

     Also next on the to-do is to check the French to make sure it is correct. There is some French dialogue spoken by native French speakers and so accuracy is crucial. I studied French years ago, but stopped. Not sure why, but I know I'm rusty since I haven't spoken in French in years. This is the reason I began learning French again. Learning French is sort of required for the entire Polar Qimuktis series. I incorporated a variety of different cultures, one including the French culture and French settings sometimes in the series. This was from years ago due to my early interest in France and the French language. Well, mainly when I was introduced to French music.

    Recently today, I looked over again writing techniques to improve myself as a writer. I do have many other projects, but since this is my first book to publish, I want it to be the best I can get it. In my research, I learned about how to write more descriptively. I think my favourite writing style would have to be more of a prose, poetic style more like the classic literature. I prefer the 19th century form of writing. I tried toning it down in my blogging and writing because many experts believed modern writers should write modernly. I realized this is the style I love. It also fits my lifestyle since I will be wearing historical clothing everyday. Well, my style is more like a modern twist to 19th century writing.

    I would like to share one of the videos I watched...



  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you want to learn more about it, please visit here:

    Other than the obvious holiday traditions, have you ever included any personal or family traditions/customs in your stories?

    I mostly try to separate personal things from my stories. So, most of my stores actually does not reflect a lot of my family's own traditions and/or customs. When thinking about it, I am not even sure if my family have any traditions of our own. I know through adoption, our traditions have been borrowed for the most part. This is a question that had me thinking though; that I stopped to review my work to see if I do include some of my own traditions or customs. If I do, it is purely unintentional because I prefer to separate myself and experiment with different traditions that is contrast to mines. Just because my characters behave this way or does something, that doesn't mean I personally do it or I have the same views. 

    IWSG: March 4 2020

  • I missed the weekend, but I'm posting today... I received a question wondering what made me want to become a writer. I thought to answer this question here.

    I'm not sure how. Years ago in my earliest writing stages, I didn't want to be a writer although I did love writing and writing stories. It wasn't until a few years later when I was trying to find my calling. I was-well, people consider me still at the stage where I am trying to find my way in the world due to my age. I think they're right. Still, I was trying to find what I loved doing because I was taught to build your career around your passions. I agree with this. I realized I love writing and I minus well work on what I loved doing.

    Early on though was when I determined writing to be a serious pursuit for me. I was becoming more serious about my writing. That's when I took the time out to learn how to properly write a book and about proper writing. I took classes as well, mostly about academic writing and the English language. These were things to help with my grammar and build up my vocabulary. I also knew reading books would help me as well. I did like reading, but I only love reading classic reads. I'm not sure why I don't enjoy reading modern day books.

    I know people advised writers to read modern books, but I just prefer older books over newer ones. There's just something about them that I find more enjoyable to read. I guess it's because of my love for history and that I've always taken the time to study history. Most of my majors during schooling were history based. As soon as I found a class offering American Civil War lessons, I immediately signed up. So most of the books I read were written in the 1800's, my favourite time period. My favourite is the Civil War era. I know my wording, grammar and even spelling can be obsolete, but I still continue to read only classic books. I have learned a great deal about writing from them as well.

    My answer to this question, it's always going to be because I simply love writing. I was influenced by my love for writing, my passion for creating, especially something that I created. It's nice to see your creation and it would be even nicer to finally have an establishment in my writing career. I see published writers and I can't help but to want that for myself. I think that's going to be me one day. I'm not letting anyone get in the way of my goal and I'll make sure that will happen. 

    Why I became a Writer

  • Before the weekend ends, I wanted to give an update, but never got around to doing it until now. Just a few hours ago, I had a thought to post for the weekends since it seems more convenient for me due to my health which hasn't improved at all. My health has been a reason I've been absent online. I recently decided to uninstall Whatsapp and give up on iTalki again. I was disappointed by the behavior of the language partners and teachers alike. There was only a few I did enjoy meeting, and it was a nice experience to finally speak to people from Russia.

    Since the Polar Qimuktis book has nearly 700 pages I believe, editing continues. I'm on chapter 19, but I hope to read and edit faster. Unfortunately however, my health limits the time I could do this. I must take more breaks, but I do go back right to work later. I've also been trying to work on finishing volume 1 of my Shonen manga, which is the first manga I will publish. I updated the volume list, where I map out each volume on what will happen in each one. This is how I will know how the story will go when filling in the blanks.

    Let's end it there for some Piggy updates. I know some at Petco have been wanting me to post updates about the Guinea Pigs we bought and I just wanted to do it now. First, my family tried listening to the Guinea Pig experts in allowing them to remain in packs, but most importantly, never interfere even when you see Piggies bite one another. Let them work it out on their own. Well, this was disastrous and we learned it wasn't good to allow Guinea Pigs to bully other Guinea Pigs. After observation, I do see it more so as bullying than leadership. So now, the Piggies all have their own separate cages and they seem happy without each other's company. It did result in violent fights, which was why we did have to separate them.

    Here is Cookie, also known as Tough Cookie due to her mean personality towards other Guinea Pigs. I named her Cookie because her facial markings reminded me of the brown part of a Chocolate Chip or M&M cookie. Also however, if you look loser, she has a little KISS thing going on where her facial markings can remind you of the KISS band. We actually did not buy her from Petco but Petsmart. We 3 other baby Guinea Pigs, but Cookie is a bully which is why she cannot be with the other babies. However, the adult Guinea Pigs violently attacks her into a corner, not allowing her to walk around or even eat, which I feel isn't fair, even though others have advised to allow this.

    And the newest member of the family! We name her Oreo! Actually I named her Oreo because her face reminds me of an Oreo cookie. My mom told me how the worker at Petco said how she would miss her and wanted to see an update. Sorry it took so long, but please know Oreo is doing more than fine. She is doing great in her new home. In fact, she is very happy where she is. I'll make sure to post regular updates on the Piggies. Just as described, Oreo is actually the sweetest Guinea Pig we own. She approaches our hands. We can pet her, but she's still not use to being handled. This was why I had a hard time taking the picture of her. We're continuing to work on Oreo getting use to being held, but we are allowing her to take as much time as she needs. She kind of looks like our Caramel as you can see below...

    Yeah, I think Oreo and Caramel have similar markings and look sort of similar to each other. Like Cookie, Caramel was bought from Petsmart. Wow, she's grown so much. She was just a little baby at first bossing everyone around. We immediately knew she could not be around other Guinea Pigs when she seriously injured our baby Piggy named Poppy, leaving a large hole in the back of her neck. I think two Guinea Pigs did this to her however. Still, Caramel was caught viciously fighting the others which was why we pulled her out and purchased a cage for her, but all of the Piggies ended up being separated because of their ridiculous fighting. I grown to love Guinea Pigs, but the one thing that bothers me is their meanness towards one another. I just wish they would coexist without having to rank each other, bully, not allow the other one to eat, biting and all that other stuff. Other than that, I like Piggies. Caramel though, is the toughest Piggy we have. Nothing seems to scare her. We call her the mini general.

    Here is Poppy, the one I mentioned above. This photo is before the injury which is why you do not see it in this picture. Poppy is our second baby Guinea Pig we own. At first we tried pairing her with Oreo, but it never worked out because she would always bite and chase Oreo away from her every time she was near her. So we took her out and returned her into the cage with the pack. Recently, we discovered what was going on within the Piggy pack with Poppy. I never knew why she stood in the corner of the cage, facing the bars. When trying to move her out of the corner, I assumed she wanted to be in the corner. This month was when my family caught all of the Guinea Pigs violently attacking Poppy every time she would try to venture out the corner. Thinking about it, it made sense why she was the smallest out of them all because they did not allow her to eat much food. That's when the other Guinea Pigs were removed out of the cage for a cage of their own, and Poppy was allowed to have a big cage all by herself. Pretty soon, she was beginning to popcorn, be more happy, eat more, she was no longer the smallest Piggy. Currently, we're caring for the wound on her neck.

    Bun Bun, one of the first Guinea Pigs bought from Petco. She is still doing good. I would say Bun Bun is one of the most interesting Piggies we have. She has sass, attitude and a lot of demands. If she's mad, you'll know because she squints her eyes and stomps her back legs. She has a weird way of telling us she wants food. Either she'll sound like a Chipmunk, make a loud screaming noise, or she'll quiver her lip with water in her eyes. She especially has tears for lettuce, for Bun Bun is very passionate about her lettuce. That's actually her favourite. When we run out of lettuce, Bun Bun gets really angry and we make sure to go to the store to restock on her lettuce. Yeah, our Piggies are spoiled. My mom always ask me which Guinea Pig is my favourite, and it would have to be Bun Bun. She may be sassy, but Bun Bun also is very entertaining and interesting.

    I uploaded a few pictures of Putina on Instagram and there were surprising responses from Russians. Looking up names, I wanted to give her a Russian name. I know our family do like the Putin family. So I named her Putina; I think it suits her. Putina was another bought from Petco. When she was first brought home, she was obviously leader over Bun Bun and often bullied her. She would not let Bun Bun eat anything and would often chase her around. One night, my mom decided enough was enough and pulled Putina out of the cage. They were separated where Bun Bun was freely able to eat, walk around the cage as she pleases, and no one telling her where she can and cannot go. We bought two baby Piggies for Bun Bun, but it ended up in disaster. For some reason, Putina submitted to them and Bun Bun. After that, she started losing her leadership rank in the pack, but she's still very mean. She even bites and sprays you when trying to hold her. Recently, she's been trying to become a leader again. Very interesting, but Putina recently has been wanting to be more independent in finding food. She refuses to eat anything we offer her and prefers to find the food herself, and so we have to set it up so she can think she did find it herself without our help.

    Unfortunately, Putina contracted the same sort of illness our previous Piggy had who was bought from Petco as well. They would know which two Guinea Pigs I'm talking about; they were the ones from the family who were deported back to Vietnam. That was why we immediately took them in. However, I did not know the two Guinea Pigs were sick and contained an illness that would kill some of our pets. I probably would not have wanted to get them if I knew this. I'm sorry. Putina is not dead, but she is sick and does not look the same as she did in this photo. I tried researching about what the ones we bought had, and what comes close is an infection which is the same as a rodent who invades your home. This is why we're advised to take precautions when handling Guinea Pigs due to the fact they are rodents.


    RIP Little Sakura. One who caught the illness. Very unfortunate Sakura wasn't able to grow up. It use to always be Cookie and Sakura. They were always together.

    Coco had also died from the illness unfortunately. When bringing this one home, she would always have every Guinea Pig lined up against the cage, unable to move or eat. Others say this is leadership, I said this was unfair to the other Piggies that they were not able to walk around freely like Coco and eat, popcorn and get water. After awhile though, she ended up sitting in a corner, making very loud noises for everyone to get away from her. Even though everyone claims Guinea Pigs are social animals, Coco did not want to be around other Piggies. She much preferred to have a cage to herself. This was when she stopped screaming bloody murder and she stopped misbehaving. Coco will always be remembered. We still have her bite marks in our hands left as scars as a reminder of Coco as long as we live.

    So, this was a long post and I think I'll leave it there. I'll make sure to post whenever I can.

    Weekend Updates

  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    Has a single photo or work of art ever inspired a story? What was it and did you finish it?

    This has happened many times for me where I get inspiration from art or a photo. Actually, it happens too many times for me to count. In fact, almost every book and manga had been inspired in some way was inspired by some photo or art. That is either if it's the entire story, a scene or a character. I am just a random person and can find inspiration in everything I see. Plus, I can create stories out of the weirdest and simplest things. 

    IWSG: February 5 2020

  • I'm not sure how long it's been since I last posted, but I know it was awhile ago. So I thought about the time when I first started this blog. I still have a long way to go with blogging, but I just wanted to share some thoughts. As usual, I'm studying Web Development and will be studying at Southern New Hampshire University. I was enrolling at Rasmussen College, but with my family's previous bad experience at this University, I cancelled going to this one. I actually don't recommend Rasmussen, but I do see Southern New Hampshire University as the better college. It's strictly online.

    I titled this post "special" because I wanted to create a special thank you post. For a long time I didn't think anyone read my posts, but recently I was proven otherwise. For my surgery, I felt blogging about it was another outlet for me and I do appreciate those who took the recovery process with me, and continue to. Anyway, I notice the diverse group of readers/viewers and this is what I prefer. As a person for multiculturalism, I welcome any and everyone from anywhere in the world to my blogs. Most importantly, I wished to thank those who take the time out to read my posts. I know I've been talking about becoming a published writer for years now, and I do appreciate the people who stuck around at the beginning rather than those who come later when I become established. I believe these viewers are more valuable than the ones who arrives later on.

    I realized I wasn't quite done editing and polishing the Polar Qimuktis book. It was suppose to have been published in 2019, but my health delayed publication. I am still in the recovering, poor health stage, but I'm still working to get the book done. The delay allowed me to see things that needed to be tweaked a bit more before releasing the book. I do want to put my best work out. I'm currently on chapter 17 and still have a few more chapters to go. What I would need to do next is make sure it's completely polished because I'm a perfectionist. Being that it's the beginning of the year, it allows me to release it this year. I know for sure it will be published in 2020. I am aiming to at least have the book finished by Spring.

    As usual, I will post with more updates and stuff when I'm able to.

    A Special Post

  • It's a new year of 2020, and it is time for a new post for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    What started you on your writing journey? Was it a particular book, movie, story, or series? Was it a teacher/coach/spouse/friend/parent? Did you just "know" suddenly you wanted to write?

    Nothing really started me on my writing journey. I never was influenced by anything else to want to write, but by me randomly writing down random stories one day. Writing was instinctive to me long before I knew what I wanted to do because I at first did not want to become a writer. When I was young, I wrote stories in notebooks and other papers I can get my hands on. I just created simply because I liked creating fantasy stories. Not sure why I was doing it really since at the time I did not want to be a writer. I guess I loved the idea of creating before I realized writing was my passion.

    Later on, I noticed my passion to write. This is at the time I officially began my journey. I do believe my mom encouraged me to pursue whatever I was interested in. She did also encourage me to improve my writing skills, for my writing skills seriously needed work. So, I did follow her advice.

    However, it looks like my journey still at the beginning...

    IWSG: January 8: 2020

  • It has been about 5 months since my surgery and to answer questions, yes, I am still very ill. I know weeks probably went by without me posting anything to either blog, but it has been really hard to muster up the strength to write this post. I find myself unable to write posts anymore. I know I did say I write a bunch of posts in advance, but they still need words to be added to them.

    If you notice inconsistencies with posting or even streaming on Twitch, please know this is the reason why and be understanding. I end up cutting live streams earlier than I want due to my ongoing health problems, and it just seems like I am physically unable to go for long streams. However, perhaps if I change the scheduling I could stream longer.

    Speaking of Twitch though, I wanted to announce that I will be buying a new set of equipment and add a mic to my stream. Me being introverted is not the interactive type, but my goal on Twitch is to eventually become a Partner. So, I notice the more successful streamers are the ones who interact with their viewers, and so this is why I'll be including a mic. I will add a camera later, but only when my health has been taken care of. Plus, when my full Living Doll appearance is complete. Yes, I'm still pursuing this goal, but my health as I stated before has delayed it.

    Pretty soon, I would like to stream in Turkish, but I just notice a lot of the games I play cannot be translated to the Turkish language. At the beginning of the stream, I do change the language to the language I wish to stream in. Most of the games I noticed can be translated to Russian though!

    My family owns the Xbox One and PS4, in which, everyone says by far these are the best consoles to have. That was why I was not sure about the Nintendo Switch. I mean, we did know to wait for something better than the Wii to come out, but I wanted to do research on the console before purchasing it. I do feel this one kind of ranks third. Despite my skepticism, the Nintendo Switch was my Christmas gift which was a really nice one. What I do love about the console are the more Japanese and more kawaii styled games, that seem to fit my style more. Currently, I am conducting research on games that would be worth my time and money. Actually, I want games that would be good for streaming but games I like.

    Also, I recently discovered I can stream mobile games. I don't play mobile games, but I can start if that would help me not run out of games to play. There are lots of kawaii mobile games I'm willing to stream, but the thing is just I can get easily bored with mobile games or easily distracted by another game. I have seen that Mario Kart Tour, but to honest, I think Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled is better than Mario Racing games. I love the-you know what, I'll just create another post about that whenever I'm able to.

    Lastly, despite of my health, this hasn't stopped me from editing my book, Polar Qimuktis. Nothing would stop or slow me down. I worked through my poor health, showing how determined I am to become an established author. I've been inspired by the recent mention of the Iditarod and even discovering more about my family's ancestry of the Siberian region. This helped me put some spirituality into the series. 

    So, I hope I answered the questions that were asked on social media. I am pretty much tapped out now. I'll try to post every week if I can. If there are any errors I may have missed, I'll fix them later. Well, dasvidaniya for now...

    Updates and Upgrades

  • The Steampunk genre has to be one of the most (one of many) interesting genres for books. Steampunk is considered a Sub-Genre which brings Science Fiction and Fantasy together. From my observation, it seems to lean more towards Science Fiction with a little elements of Fantasy. It does depend upon the story itself. Each story is different.

    Steampunk is usually in a historical setting, most commonly in the 19th century 1800's, but it doesn't have to always be in these times. It brings vintage and technology and also Science together. There are industrial themes and settings in Steampunk books. They have lots of machines, robots and inventions.

    Years ago, I developed an interest in Steampunk after meeting a few people on Facebook. That was all before the problem I had with Facebook. I always had an interest in 19th century history which is why I spent years studying this time period. I find everything about this time fascinating, especially the beautiful dresses. I love Victorian dresses due to their attention to detail, their style and their modesty. It's also how I was introduced to Steampunk.

    I met this British guy in particular who loved Steampunk and often wore clothing from the Victorian era. It was actually one of his professions. Then I wondered, what is Steampunk? I want to know more. So I did some searches and discovered it brings all of my interests together; Science Fiction, technology, historical eras and Fantasy.

    This is around the time I decided to write a Steampunk book series. It is Science Fiction as well as Fantasy, Action/Adventure, Paranormal and I guess Horror. Although it has been placed on hold until I am ready to publish this one, I have already worked on this WIP. I continue to add ideas to it. I've done the necessary research and created a story based off of it. The main character was and also some concepts. I just added lots more to the idea of this dream.

    I just hope to be able to create more stories in the Steampunk genre...  

    Steampunk Genre

  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you are curious to know what it is, please visit here:

    Let's play a game. Imagine. Role-play. How would you describe your future writer self, your life and what it looks and feels like if you were living the dream? Or if you are already there, what does it look and feel like? Tell the rest of us. What would you change or improve?

    As my goals always have been, I would be an established writer who already published at least some books by now. My future writer self is someone who can just write in peace and continue to do what I love doing. It would be better to live somewhere more peaceful without confrontational neighbors. I'm a peaceful person, and prefer to live in a serene place perfect for writing. In order to achieve this, I'm willing to give up some "freedoms" to live in another country if that meant being able to write more in peace. This is why I've been interested in places good for retirement. I'm not retiring but I know these locations would be appropriate for a writer.

    Since my Living Doll career is a part of my writing career, I would love to complete my Kawaii lifestyle before publication. 

    In a sense, I feel I am living the dream partially. No, some goals have not been reached yet, but I realized it is a rare value to find your passion and do accordingly. Through observation, I've seen so many not satisfied with their jobs. Life is short, and I just don't want to waste non-returnable time on something I dislike doing. I'm glad I found what I loved doing early on instead of much later. 

    IWSG: December 4, 2019

  • Since music has always been the most important part of writing (and other work), I've spoken a lot about Spotify for years. Recently however, a new incident caused me to move on to other music streamers. Well, I'm still trying to find the best music streaming service other than Spotify. I'd never thought this would ever happen.

    So, I haven't been able to post because I've not been well enough to log in to my computer. However, for the past few days I haven't used my Spotify account, I noticed strange music being played. I paid for the family premium plan and so it shares what I play on Spotify with everyone in the house. I too began, like I said before, seeing music currently playing on Spotify I know I was not playing. I also knew I don't listen to such songs. A few days later, I logged into my computer especially to see why these songs were popping up on Spotify. I saw random songs added to my favourites, recently played artists and songs were added to playlists that did not go with the lists at all. I soon realized someone had access to my Spotify account. 

    I contacted Spotify via chat, and I saw told my password was randomized without being told what my password was changed to. I know I tend to share pretty personal things, but I thought I should go post why I will not being using Spotify anymore and why not share the full story since I can? Anyway, the guy asks for a screenshot of a bank statement showing the first time I paid for Spotify Premium. You know someone doesn't just have this on hand. So I told him I would have to first find it then take the screenshot. While doing this, he continues to threaten to cut off the chat from his impatience. After awhile, he does decide to end the chat. However, he had randomized my password, logged me out of my account, and for some reason, completely deleted my Spotify account and canceled my Premium subscription. I'm not sure why he had such a foul attitude as he did and he felt the need to do all of this. 

    So, I contacted Spotify on Twitter. They pleaded to handle it through messaging, not wanting others to read how their employer's been behaving and their poor services. I did respect their wishes up until now because I felt the situation was not properly handled by neither of the staff at Spotify. I felt is was pretty crappy that they erased all of my saved payments as if I never paid anything when I had the Premium subscription for years. 

    So, I moved to Pandora, but I wasn't satisfied in how most of my music I liked listening to wasn't on this one, especially my favourite Russian singer, Sogdiana. Yes, I think it was worth leaving Spotify because someone was using my account, and plus, the first employer blocked me from having access to my own account anyway. So it was just time to move on.  

    Moving on to Other Music Streamers

  • Ever since I started reading only classic literature, I began picking up 19th century writing styles. To me, the 19th century writing seems more intellectual and- I don't know, it's just something about this writing style that I prefer.

    It became a habit really. I found myself using older phrases, words and spelling. That is why instead of favorite, I write favourite and instead of traveled, I use travelled. They are technically not incorrect spelling, but they were common during the 19th century. I have read advice against writing in the 19th century style, but I think it's not too bad for historical books.

    I find it beautiful and poetic. So, in my first book I plan to publish, I may have writing patterns from the 19th century. It's sort of a mix of 19th century and modern.

    When I stated blogging, I only wrote in this style. That was until I realized people wasn't able to understand what I saying. So, I tried modernizing my writing, although I continue to use the 19th century spelling. 

    My Ideal Writing Style

  • On my other blog, I announced our new pets. At that time, we only had two Guinea Pigs, but now we have five female Guinea Pigs. I wanted to share experiences about owning them since seeing these sort of stuff online.

    This is one of our Guinea Pigs named Bun Bun. We put this shirt on her only for the picture because she has a heart shape on her left ear. It reminds me of the heart shaped birthmark I have on my right leg. This is one of the first Guinea Pigs we purchased with another named Putina. They didn't get along which was why we had to keep them separated for a long time.

    This one is called Coco. This day, she was sick and needed to be separated from the others in order to be brought back to health. She loves her treats in which you can only find at Walmart. Our family bought her from Petco. She was surrendered by her previous owners, but before thinking poorly about the owners, we were told why she was given away. Coco does not get along with other Guinea Pigs, in fact she is very violent toward others. Our other Guinea Pig, Putina, she pulled out the fur from her back and wouldn't allow our other Guinea Pigs to eat in the cage with her. I do notice when you separate them for a few days and reintroduce them, they usually become submissive. If they do not, it does seem a new Guinea Pig is needed in order to mellow out the troublesome Piggy.

    The yellow thing on the left is their toilet. We are trying to potty train our Piggies, but they get very mean and currently does not want to be potty trained. We're still working on it though as you can see.  

    If you are wondering which one is Putina, she is the one in the corner in the left nearest to the camera. The one with the white body and brown face. In this picture, you can see Bun Bun not sharing the food. She would bite anyone who tried to eat anything out of the pan too. 

    We recently bought two more Guinea Pigs, which is the ones you see in the right corner farthest from the camera in the last picture. The brown one is Caramel and the black and white one is Baby. Actually, you can also see them in the first picture.

    I have to say, it is a lot of work caring for Guinea Pigs. There's a lot of clean up, training, feeding, grooming and supervising. When we reintroduce them together, we must always watch them carefully to monitor their behaviour between each other. Training and supervising them can be time consuming. I do recommend Guinea Pigs to people who does have the time to actually deal with them all day. My family has a ton of stuff to do, but they can get you away from what you have to do everyday if you're a busy person.

    I didn't realize this at first, but I noticed our Guinea Pigs must be trained, almost similar to a dog due to their identical behaviour. They are very destructive and mischievous animals who needs constant reminder who is boss. Since Guinea Pigs go by rank, they often tend to challenge the owner. A stern no and disciplined training will keep them from turning on their owners. Now I realize my family must treat our Guinea Pigs differently than we treat our other pets. When spoiling them too much, they tend to become very mean and it reverses the training.

    Our Guinea Pigs are always fighting for dominance, which makes me question are they really social animals. Putina, one of our Guinea Pigs prefers to be in a cage by herself and becomes territorial when putting other Piggies with her. She's a lot different though from when we first brought her home. She was a very mean bully, but then turned into a passive and submissive Piggy to all of the other Guinea Pigs. 

    Our Piggies goes into rebellion stages almost everyday where they'll refuse to eat and become picky on what is fed to them. They eat lots of lettuce, and can run through about six lettuces in a few hours. They eat quite a lot all day since they are grazers. They just seem like very greedy animals who does not like to share at all.

    We clean the cage everyday due to the mess they make. During their dominance fights, they spray each other which can be disgusting that they urine in each other's faces for dominance. They have other strange behaviours for dominance as well. This causes lots of problems though. It can be frustrating too when we just washed them, only to spray each other again and they return to smelling and being dirty. I do notice Piggies tend to always have a weird odor to them.

    One thing I didn't realize was the many diseases Guinea Pigs carry, and it can be transmitted to a human through the feces, urine, saliva, bites or scratches, according to King County. I notice developing nosebleeds each time we clean out their cages or is in direct contact with them. This is why we usually do not hold them without a puppy training pad. The bad part is that they eat their own feces and being that they urine on each other, contaminating their bodies and mouth, it can give a higher risk of infections and other contamination. That is a major reason I don't recommend kissing a Guinea Pig or allowing any part of them in your mucus membranes (mouth, ears, nose and eyes). This is with most small mammals, being that they are in the rodent family. It can also be bad since they shed off lots of fur everyday. Our family can now find their fur on our clothes and furniture, which was why I started combing and brushing them.

    One behaviour which I found was strange, was when our Piggies place their mouth and nose together and move their heads up. When Googling it, it was said this was a good sign they are playful and happy with each other, but I learned this is not always the case. Well, our Piggies, they do this to establish rank and before they begin fighting.

    I will make sure to give more updates on our Piggies soon.

    Guinea Pig Updates

  • Here is a post for Insecure Writer's Support Group; if anyone wants to learn more about it, visit here:

    What's the strangest thing you've ever googled in researching a story?

    I guess the strangest for me were googling real demons to include in my projects. It almost can seem like I'm obsessed with demons and the occult, but it's only for stories and to educate others on these topics. From the research, I have a few documents listing the demons I found. For some years now, I have been researching this through google and other sources.

    In the past, I have googled medieval torture devices and ways of tortures. I immediately stopped googling lots of things, especially in 2016, I received a message from Google informing me they are looking at my Google searches and for now on to watch what I google. This was not the only reason why I received that warning, but it allowed me to realize I couldn't just Google anything, especially since Google was trying to get me deported out of the United States. Not sure if they thought I was interested in torturing people. 

    IWSG: November 6 2019

  • Hope everyone is doing well. I wasn't going to post for today, but something compelled me to. I am spending my Halloween a bit differently this year. Well, during this time, it does inspire me to work on projects that can fit into the Halloween and Harvest season. However, I'm in reflection after recently finding out one of my favourite Youtuber passed away. The Channel is called Grandpa Kitchen, where Narayana Reddy cooks a variety of foods to feed to children in India. My family has been watching this channel for some time now and grown quite fond of seeing Narayana. Here is the video where I found out.

    My family were all saddened to know he passed away, but you can tell this was inevitable since he no longer did the cooking or anything on the channel. It can be interesting how someone you never met can impact you so, but he has impacted many lives. Narayana spent these years being a service to others which takes a lot of courage. There's just not many people in the world who cares about others and it's hard finding those who would give their time to helping those besides themselves. He can inspire others to be more considerate for less fortunate individuals.

    This is one of many reasons why I'm in reflection today. I just had to at least say something about Grandpa Kitchen when I've watched this channel for years. It's gonna be awhile to get over the news. 

    I just wanted to post about this. I'll post again soon.

    For this Halloween...

  • So, I received some questions I wanted to answer because I am unsure when I'll be able to get back on my computer.

    I received a few questions wondering if anyone ever showed me a picture of how bad my organs seem to be, especially my stomach. The answer is no. I was a bit curious after seeing one doctor obviously horrific by what he saw when looking at my stomach. This is when he told my entire stomach was literately bleeding. But then with the very poor communication and everything, I doubt they would let me see a picture.

    As for the cancer risk, I hate how I found out because no one told me. I found out by going on this site called MyChart where you can see your health records, but I feel it was impersonal and rude to remain silent about my obvious health problems. Well, it is my liver, and it seems I am on the brink of having liver cancer. It does seem the cancer can be reversed or prevented though.

    I do wish I was warned beforehand the problems of not having a gallbladder, but nothing was said to me. I learned it is dangerous for me to skip meals, in which I was use to eating one time a day before the surgery. If I do skip a meal, my entire body trembles and there are symptoms similar to a diabetic. That is why my family thinks I may be developing diabetes due to me not having a gallbladder. Many foods I cannot digest anymore such as sweets/sugar, caffeine, fatty foods, pasta, tomatoes, salads and several other things. This limits what I can eat significantly. I also have permanent blurred vision and sensitivity to lights and different colors; confusion and poor memory, which did suggest there is a neurological problem as some have suggested.

    The other stuff I'm not sure about due to my other ongoing health issues.

    I am still pursuing becoming a Living Doll, but must wait until my health problems are dealt with first.

    Another question that's unrelated, and the answer is, yes, I will start posting some stuff in Turkish and Russian. Right now, I can only write these languages on my phone and everyone knows I suck at writing on a phone. I have live streamed in Russian on Twitch plenty of times and I will do this in the future. Thank you for your interest in my ancestral culture, and I will share what I learned about it. I think I am tapped out, and have to share this in another post though. 

    Before I forget...

  • I just posted so everyone would know I'm not dead since that last post of being a cancer risk and having trouble with my heart. I wasn't really sure what to post, but I realized how long it's been since I posted something.

    Well, I have been continuing migrating from Google Docs to OneDrive where I will write for now on. It's been a long process since I have many projects, in which this made me realize the number of projects I have. Do to this, I've been still working on taking my work off Google Docs. I think I am just about done, but just have the manga projects.

    Also, I have been trying to get the hang of Twitch. I'm still new to live streaming, and I'm trying to improve our internet. I learned living up north as I do can affect the internet and we do get lots of internet disconnections. Recently, we've been getting frequent blackouts.

    Well, I'm not sure what else to write and so I'll end it there.  

    A Random Update

  • Merhaba to anyone who is reading this. Today was the only day I was able to post, but I cannot get over the poor quality care I've been receiving. No, I am not feeling any better, and everyone's lack of concern is getting ridiculous now. I am disappointed how I've been treated by every healthcare professional I seeked help from.

    Since I continue to have pain and complications even after my surgery, it is fair to say the problem was never resolved. I just hate how the surgeon and plus the doctor I recently made my primary doctor, had ridden me off and assumed they would be done with me after the surgery; neither were listening as I mentioned ongoing problems, as long with serious complications related to the surgery. While one told me those problems were for the primary doctor, the other insisted I see the surgeon about my complications, but both making it perfectly clear they had no interest in having me as a patient again. I recently removed the doctor as my primary doctor due to this, although he denies what his staff already relayed to me.

    I recently went for an MRI as I stated before in a previous post, but I never really heard anything back nor for my blood test. I did this with the specialist, but now I constantly get results from my blood test in the mail. However, how is someone suppose to understand the results if they do not work in the lab? What annoys me is how everyone continues to say everything looks perfectly normal; but this mirrors the prior incident, where they kept telling me nothing was wrong even though I needed surgery.

    When going on MyChart, I saw five health issues that was claimed I currently have. This is weird since no one contacted me at all about any of these findings. That's how it's been the entire year. There is very poor communication with everything, where I'm left in the dark about everything. For every test and procedure, they are silent, never explaining anything to me or giving me any papers that shares information about the test or procedure I just had. Plus, for tests, they all wait for a long time to decide to tell me what was found.

    One problem, Arrhythmia, affects the heart where it claims my heart has a malfunction in the electrical system. I read about it and this perfectly matches my symptoms. Reading on the treatment, according to the Mayo Clinic, Arrhythmia requires a doctor's care and sometimes can be solved with surgery.

    Second, Anemia, which was something my mom knew I had for years. The other three relates to the upper abdomen, which does need a prescription and some hospitalization (being a huge cancer risk), but I do not trust to be under a hopsital's care how I've been treated by everyone. I was very angry no one told me anything about what was found, instead, I keep being told there were no findings at all. I wonder why are they trying to cover up the obvious health problems I have?

    The specialist who performed the endoscope procedure seemed horrified by what he saw, claiming to have seen erosions, ulcers and inflammation in my entire stomach, wondering why I took Aleve. Well, I was told to take Aleve for pain; in addition, no one was willing to give me anything for the pain, not caring I was in severe pain. Dr. Sandozi said this, but afterwards he was silent as everyone else. He never was willing to help with the healing process with my stomach. No one did, which I felt was immoral to completely drop me as a patient after finding this.

    I am still in severe pain and is gravely ill, but I've been figuring out things on my own and dealing with these problems without help. For my experiences, I do not recommend anyone trust the company Allina with their health. 

    This is Ridiculous Now...

  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit here:

    It's been said that the benefits of becoming a writer who does not read is that all your ideas are new and original. Everything you do is an extension of yourself, instead of a mixture of you and another author. On the other hand, how can you expect other people to want your writing, if you don't enjoy reading? What are your thoughts?

    I do agree with that because I noticed when I listened a lot to the self-proclaimed writing experts, I found myself getting inspiration from the books I read, since they all tell you, you have to read being a writer and you're suppose to only read modern books similar to your genre. I do see how when you're reading as a writer, you often take things from the books you read either unintentional or intentionally. 

    I honestly only read classic books which is why sometimes I pick up 19th century spelling, words and phrases. This is pretty much it what I pick up from reading these books. I do worry about accidentally developing characters or my stories similar to other writer's work. Well, when I was a teen, I often had difficulties not taking inspiration from the stuff I read such as writing style and characters, but now that I'm older, I am able to read things without taking any inspiration or accidentally recycling ideas. 

    I do prefer classic reads although these experts advise against reading classic books, and how writers should read more modern books than older one; I enjoy classic books than modern books. Well, I do prefer to carefully choose my books and not waste my time on books with topics I don't like reading about. I usually though do not read in my genre, but I tend to read more educational books where I'm learning something about a topic I'm writing about. 

    I do however notice it can be beneficial to at least read something, but I don't think it has to be in the same genre you're writing in because I don't read in none of the genres I write in. I found myself creating my own phrases, story development and finding my own writing style instead of copying other's writing styles. 

    Well, I don't think it's bad if writers choose to read or not being a writer. People are different and must do whatever is best for that individual...

    IWSG: October 2, 2019

  • I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted.

    I am starting the process of migrating from Google Docs. Due to Google removing many of their departments, I just wanted my work to be somewhere I feel is more secure. So, I decided to work on OneDrive although I've been experiencing some difficulties doing so. That's why I looked up other places that allows you to write books, but I just don't trust companies I've never heard of before or don't know enough about. First too, I like to see their stocks and how the company is doing to make sure my work won't be lost. It does seem Microsoft is more secure than other companies.

    My health did delay my book being released. However, I recently believed releasing it during the winter season would be more appropriate.

    It has been hard to post for one blog, let alone three. I will try to post something for the two other blogs as well when I can. That's all I can write.  

    Just Wanted to Share an Update...

  • Recently, I've been getting into the final editing of Polar Qimuktis. It has been hard, but I try to do a little everyday. During editing, it was pointed out I use lots of non-American spelling, words and phrases when writing. I'm not sure where this habit originated from; perhaps reading classic books all the time? I have noticed these books having the same spelling and words that I now use in writing.

    I was told I would feel better after surgery, but I don't feel better. In fact, I am feeling worse. I notice my family worrying since learning I was close to death. Before surgery, I did feel myself losing energy and life draining from me. My mom told me a bunch of crows surrounded the house, almost as if they knew I was dying. I felt weaker and weaker each day, but I didn't realize I was actually dying. A few days later, the same ill feelings return, especially this strange pain in my upper abdomen. I am not sure what this pain is since the surgery did not solve anything. I realized perhaps I'm not out of the woods yet.

    Some asked to see the incisions, and so here is one...

    The stitches are inside the incision, which allows you to see inside of these deep cuts. I now have a problem where 3 of the incisions are reopening and I feel the stitches busting. I have been doing things against what I'm suppose to do after surgery. Yes, I confess to lifting things heavier than 10 pounds, which can cause serious injury.

    So, I am trying to figure out why I feel the same after my surgery.

    I am in bad shape; so I just wanted to post for the week unless I decide to share another health update this week.

    New Random Updates

  • It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group. If you would like to learn more about it, please visit this link:

    If you could pick one place in the world to sit and write your next story, where would it be and why?

    I am a person who loves peace, and so I would like to write in a place with the most peace. This isn't a wish though, but a dream that I'm working on making a reality soon. I just have to find that place in the world where I can just live in peace and write. 

    I would prefer to return to one of my ancestral homes, or return to the country my mom came from before she was adopted. It would be nice to write in a place with lots of beautiful landscape scenery, especially where I feel spiritually connected to. 

    Perhaps it would be either in Istanbul, Ankara or Trabzon Turkey or Russia in the Volga region. It can be sort of hard for me to choose, but perhaps I would pick Russia because there are very beautiful and serene looking scenery that would be perfect for a writer. I wouldn't mind writing in a simple place with quietness and serenity.

    IWSG: Sepember 4 2019

  • It's been 15 days since my surgery, yet I still struggle with recovering. The surgery has slowed me down significantly to the point it's really hard caring for my new rabbit and other pets my family has. It wasn't until now did I realize how much work it is caring for a rabbit. It's a good thing I get help from my family.

    It's even hard writing posts, but I  just tried to post something in order to keep the blog active. Unfortunately I haven't been well enough to post for my other two blogs, but I'll post whenever I'm able to. I know I haven't posted since surgery.

    It really sucks when you find out you're not as healthy as you thought you were, and these are one of those cases with me. So apparently, I have a few other health problems and so I do have an appointment to further examine my upper abdomen, where my problem is. I may need another procedure done, but I am hoping I don't have to go through another surgery. I am still regretting having my first surgery.

    Despite this, I am still trying to get my book Polar Qimuktis released, but it has been hard doing so. I just need to make sure it is completely polished before sending it out there. In spite of my health, I am still determined to finally become a published writer. I didn't work this hard just to give up. Well, my family's been my source of encouragement because I've struggled to pursue being a writer. I think I would feel better if I was to publish something.

    So, I can only write this for now. I'll make sure to share more updates soon.

    A Few Random Updates

  • Around 8:45 a.m., I went for my appointment at the Unity Clinic to see the surgeon/doctor who removed my gallbladder. Walking there was really hard for me, but I paced myself and got help walking into the clinic.

    I spent more time with the nurse than with the surgeon. I did answer the question was I still in pain, and the answer is yes, I am still in a lot of pain. The doctor though never offered me more pain medicine. In fact, I felt the whole appointment was rushed and as usual, I was being over talked about how I felt. Well, both said the incisions look good, but it is normal I still have pain since it's only been a week after surgery. I really hated that he pressed into my stomach, causing me more pain. I think also I spent more time in the lab for a blood test than in the room, where this woman kept saying I looked like someone she knew. I then wondered if she ever went to the school I attended before I was homeschooled.

    This is one of the incisions. As you can see, it's small which is pretty good, but that doesn't mean the pain isn't still severe. Now, I see some of the incisions trying to reopen, but I'm trying to prevent that from happening.

    I am continuing to just take Tylenol and Aleve for pain. Since I am still recovering, my boss allows me to just do paperwork until I feel better. I've been however trying to at least get back into writing, but I can do it only for a few minutes at a time and then take a break, and then I return back to it.

    I do have to say, I am very disappointed in the healthcare service I received all this year. This was the reason why I disliked going to the doctor and I prefer to only go when it's serious. Being a healthcare professional myself, it's a shame I don't have faith in the quality of our healthcare and other professionals. I hate how healthcare professionals seem to not care at all about their patients, and they lose sight of why they even become healthcare professionals in the first place. If they had of stalled one more month, I found out I would've been dead, and no one seemed to even care. I dislike all of these disparities within the U.S. healthcare system in every way. With my experiences, I would like to continue speaking out regarding this serious problem of how people receive mediocre and poor quality services. During the 8 or 9 years I've worked as a Nursing Assistant, I learned it shouldn't matter where a person comes from, their colour, their economic background or how they dress; the important thing is that you treat everyone with the same respect, dignity and you make sure you give them the services they need.However, most healthcare professionals wishes to know all of these facts and treat the patient according to a person's economic background, their job, nationality, race and any other reason they may give patients different care.

    With my experiences this year, I am not sure about going back to another physician. If so, I would not want to see the same doctor who went on vacation without leaving me in another doctor's care when I have something life threatening health problems. If I ever need this sort of care, I wouldn't go to Allina and I may not want to be seen here in the United States. 

    Day 8 of Recovery

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